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God Bless The Onion
#1
I won't even spoil the headline for this one.
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#2
Fantastic!
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#3
The last line of that article is pure, solid gold.
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#4
*Golf Clap*
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#5
Quite awesome indeed.
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#6
Oh, that's just beautiful. Even better than the Daily Show's coverage of Obama's speech yesterday.
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#7
Quote:

"I told him I'd give him some if I saw him later, even though I probably won't," Moser said.

Hilarious!
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#8
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#9
"Oh now I feel guilty! Here!"
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#10
I tip my hat to the Onion. Good show, sirs.
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#11
Just brilliant.
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#12
Guy Who Says 'Previously On Heroes' Wishes He Was Guy Who Says 'Previously On Lost'
I might have been born yesterday sir, but I stayed up all night!
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#13
This is great. But while we're sharing favorite Onion articles, I'm quite fond of this one. Plus the "Pitchfork Gives Music a 6.8" is a classic.
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#14
That is awesome, I don't know why I'm not on that site everyday.

Damn I can't find my all time favorite headline but it goes something like this:

Jesus Kills 2, wounds 5, in daylight abortion clinic attack!
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#15
The all-time winner.

A recent classic.

Quote:

Also speaking at the event were Syrian president Bashar al-Assad, Japanese prime minister Yasuo Fukuda, and longtime foreign policy adviser and roast favorite Henry Kissinger, who spent the majority of his speech making sexual overtures to French president Nicolas Sarkozy's bride, model Carla Bruni. Although Bruni was seated in the audience, Kissinger politely offered her a seat on his face so he could get a better look at the only place a French leader has successfully invaded since Lombardy.

But a surprise visit from Israeli president Shimon Peres may have been the most popular act of the evening.

"On the way here tonight, someone told me that Mahmoud was a Shi'a," said Peres, placing one hand on Ahmadinejad's shoulder. "At first I thought they were saying 'He's a shit,' because the two sound so similar. But there's a big difference: One's a brown, foul-smelling tube of solid waste—and the other comes out of my asshole."

Peres then addressed Ahmadinejad's well-known denial of the Holocaust and his recent statements that Israel and all Jewish people should be "wiped off the map." Taking a long pull from his cigar and adjusting his shirt cuffs, Peres concluded that, in all likelihood, the president of Iran has fucked more Jews than Sarah Silverman.

The Pitchfork story.
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#16
My all time favorite:

Columbine Jocks Safely Resume Bullying
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#17
Quote:

Originally Posted by McIrish
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That is awesome, I don't know why I'm not on that site everyday.

Damn I can't find my all time favorite headline but it goes something like this:

Jesus Kills 2, wounds 5, in daylight abortion clinic attack!

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28817
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#18
Quote:

Originally Posted by Michael Shaver
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As much as I love the Onion, a lot of the articles themselves don't live up to the brilliant headlines. This particular one, though, is fucking brilliant the whole way through. I urge everyone to read it. I don't want to spoil anything, though.
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#19
The Onion New Network has some brilliant acting and production value. This one in particular is fuckin awesome.

Nation Of Andorra Not In Africa, Shocked U.S. State Dept. Reports
I might have been born yesterday sir, but I stayed up all night!
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#20
Quote:

Originally Posted by Quarant
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The Onion New Network has some brilliant acting and production value. This one in particular is fuckin awesome.

Nation Of Andorra Not In Africa, Shocked U.S. State Dept. Reports

Gold.
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#21
http://www.theonion.com/content/vide...ssfully_avoids

Tracy Gill's kind of hot.
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#22
Quote:

Originally Posted by RathBandu
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Hey, you're right.

I was always a fan of the sidebar headlines that never linked to a story. The best one was "CIA Realizes They've Been Using Black Highlighters All This Time," or something to that effect.
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#23
http://www.theonion.com/content/news...nion_rss_daily

Quote:

"I can only assume that Cassie must have visited one of the local nightclub establishments where teens hang out and perform spontaneous, elaborately choreographed one-on-one dance competitions to the music of a young gentleman named Soulja Boy, among others," head instructor James Tillingford said. "Of course, there's no way Cassie could have infiltrated this subculture, unless she entered a biracial relationship with a young man who wanted a better life for himself than stealing cars and playing ball, someone who could teach her how to let go of her formal training—along with the pain of her mother's untimely death—and just let it flow so she could, in turn, convince his hardened, cynical friends that she was 'not bad for a white girl.'"...

"I could never have done it without my new girl Shandra by my side, telling me I had a chance to be somebody and I shouldn't let anyone stop me from achieving my dreams, because where she's from, 'hope' is a four- letter word," Lisbon said. "I have to accept that full scholarship to Juilliard on my own terms."

"You can't rehearse for life," Lisbon added. "The rhythm is in you."

Lisbon expressed thanks for the support she received from her father, who thought she was throwing her life away with her "ridiculous dancing hobby," but made it to the recital to stand in the back and cheer her on anyway; her boyfriend, Tay, who not only taught Lisbon how to hear the beat of life but also performed a showstopping break-dance routine in the middle of her performance; and her new group of multiracial friends—especially Little Jay, who was tragically killed in a knife fight only two days before Lisbon's final performance.

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#24
http://www.theonion.com/content/news..._giant_uterine
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#25
Something Happening In Haiti!
I might have been born yesterday sir, but I stayed up all night!
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#26
Quote:

Originally Posted by Michael Shaver
View Post

Thanks man! I fucking love that article.
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#27
http://www.theonion.com/content/vide...s_challenge_al

Amazing. So, so amazing.
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#28
Wildly Popular 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Adapted Into Full-Length Film

http://www.theonion.com/content/vide...on_man_trailer

Pretty funny.
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#29
Two classic articles I always got a kick out of:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/37418

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39151
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#30
Is it in my hair?! Get it out!
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#31
I really liked this one

And this one
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#32
http://www.theonion.com/content/news...and_government
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27621
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#33
Michel Gondry Entertained For Days By New Carboard Box

Quote:

Gondry, who has been praised for using innovative visual effects over two decades of filmmaking, said that by arranging the box in various positions he was able to pretend it was a flying dinosaur's nest, a witch's cauldron, a chariot, a ghost box, a whale's stomach, and a table.

After much anticipation, Gondry held a press conference in his home Monday evening to unveil the box and answer questions from eager entertainment journalists.

"You're standing in hot lava," Gondry said. "That's going to melt you."

Gondry told reporters that immediately upon acquiring the six-sided carton, he abandoned his paper-towel tube, which he had previously used as a spyglass to watch pirates, a horn to turn himself into a unicorn, and a trumpet to make "mouth jazz."

Gondry concluded the press conference by placing the box over his head and declaring that he was a lonely building without a skyline to call home.

I might have been born yesterday sir, but I stayed up all night!
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#34
Washington Monument on Oct 12, 2009 at 3:04
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#35
Bring on the forgery!

http://www.theonion.com/content/news..._back_hair_men

Quote:

"My son hasn't been the same around me since he watched D2: The Mighty Ducks last month," said slicked-back-hair man Mick Romanini, referencing the film in which coach Gordon Bombay slicks back his hair when consumed by fame, then wears it dry again upon realizing the error of his ways. "Is this what we want to teach our children about slicked-back hair?"

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