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God Bless The Onion

Our Brave Savior: Donald Trump Is Working TIRELESSLY To Return The Precious White Orbs Obama STOLE From The FURIOUS Dwarf King That Lives Under America

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A"There’s simply no way I’m saying ‘I dub thee Sir Jackmaster.’”

Queen Elizabeth Hoping She Dies Before Having To Knight Any DJs
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https://politics.theonion.com/it-s-step-...15536 

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AFrustrated Hope Hicks Wishing She Could Find One Nice Guy In This Autocratic Personality Cult


Quote:“Every time I think I’ve found someone who shares my values in this legion of totalitarian sociopaths, they turn out to be nowhere near as good a guy as I first thought,” said Hicks...
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Uh oh, the Onion basically just created an entire section devoted to poking fun at the Trumpocalypse thread:

https://resistancehole.clickhole.com/gam...1825926817

https://twitter.com/ResistanceHole

If they're really committed they should start doing 378 part twitter threads explaining how the revelation that Barron bought an ice cream from a van owned by a guy with a Russian cousin in 2011 validates the Steele dossier.
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My favorite is when The Onion goes pitch black.
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Wonderful.
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https://local.theonion.com/woman-nervous...1826116847
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https://resistancehole.clickhole.com/bad...le_twitter
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(05-21-2018, 02:05 PM)Dent6084 Wrote: https://resistancehole.clickhole.com/bad...le_twitter
Came here to post this very same link. Holy hell, I've been laughing for 10 minutes.
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https://www.clickhole.com/beer-summit-2-...ce=Twitter
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(05-21-2018, 02:05 PM)Dent6084 Wrote: https://resistancehole.clickhole.com/bad...le_twitter

SNL made that joke a while back. "What if it's good?"
"I'd rather wake up in the middle of nowhere than in any city on Earth."--Steve McQueen
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(05-21-2018, 05:21 PM)hammerhead Wrote:
(05-21-2018, 02:05 PM)Dent6084 Wrote: https://resistancehole.clickhole.com/bad...le_twitter

SNL made that joke a while back. "What if it's good?"

Sure, but Clickhole's take is still hilarious.

Meanwhile, back in 2013, the Onion received an angry letter about their "editorial" by "Donald Trump" entitled "When You're Feeling Low, Just Remember I'll Be Dead in 15 to 20 Years" from one Michael Cohen, Attorney at Law.

The Onion has finally decided to write back.

https://www.theonion.com/the-onion-has-f...1826197533
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Rain-Soaked Robert Mueller Lets Manafort Surf One Final Monster Wave Before Bringing Him In
“That which doesn't kill you wasn't done right.”—Khaya Dlanga
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(06-05-2018, 04:32 PM)michael shaver Wrote: Rain-Soaked Robert Mueller Lets Manafort Surf One Final Monster Wave Before Bringing Him In

Brilliance.  All it needs is to have Mueller say 'vaya con dios' to Manafort when he heads out.
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Fantastic.
"PREDATOR 2 feels like it was penned by convicts as part of a correctional facility's creative writing program, and that's what I love about it." - Moltisanti
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Somehow each entry on this list made me laugh harder than the last
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Incredible:

Beachgoer Tries To Let The Predator Know There’s A Tampon String Hanging Out Of His Bathing Suit But The Predator Assumes She’s An Attacker And Maces Her
“That which doesn't kill you wasn't done right.”—Khaya Dlanga
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"Stephen Miller Furious at ProPublica for Only Releasing 7-Minute Recording of Immigrant Children Sobbing"

https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1009140788297691137
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Photo 
lolol


Attached Files Image(s)
   
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The Onion's been building up a little cache of hilarious Eric and Don Jr stories. I rarely read the articles themselves but the headline/picture combinations have my in hysterics.

https://www.theonion.com/tag/eric-trump
I might have been born yesterday sir, but I stayed up all night!
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Spotify Removes ‘This Is: White Supremacy’ Playlist

   

The Taylor Swift track in the middle.  Call me an ambulance.
"Looking at the Trump administration, I'm starting to think I was too hard on the characters in Prometheus."  --  MrBananaGrabber
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Bwahahaha
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This one is amazing:

https://local.theonion.com/local-dipshit...lMarketing
home taping is killing music
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Tim Burton Worried He Going Through Bit of a 14-Movie Slump - https://entertainment.theonion.com/tim-b...ce=Twitter
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I know it's satire, but outside of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Alice in Wonderland, some of those movies aren't that bad. Frankenweenie is kind of great, actually. Also, that's not 14 they listed. That's 8 movies. If Burton is going through a 14-movie slump, we're talking about Batman Returns and everything after. That's not true. But The Onion. Satire. Got it.
The poster formerly known as Inkblades.
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Maybe he's in the middle of the slump and still has six to go?

Big Eyes wasn't terrible.
"I'd rather wake up in the middle of nowhere than in any city on Earth."--Steve McQueen
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I enjoyed Sweeney Todd.
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Frustrated Men Demand To Know ‘Exactly Where On Tits It Okay To Touch Nowadays’

Quote:“If I’m out to eat, I can’t say anything about the waitresses’ boobs anymore. And this is at my favorite restaurant! I barely even feel safe grazing up against them, and God forbid I try and get a handful. This used to be a great country.”
"Looking at the Trump administration, I'm starting to think I was too hard on the characters in Prometheus."  --  MrBananaGrabber
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Meghan McCain Forced To Live Out Socialist Nightmare Of Empathy For Sick Person - https://trib.al/G2rzLZm
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The Onion has been absolutely savage towards McCain today, and it is a sight to behold:

https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1033061666047623169

"John McCain Requests Ashes Be Launched Into Iraq"
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https://local.theonion.com/suburban-mom-...1819575789

I feel like I'm not supposed to find this funny but in my experience, holy shit, it's spot on.
"Nooj's true feelings on any given subject are unknown and unknowable. He is the butterfly flapping its wings in Peking. He is chaos and destruction and you shall never see his true form." - Merriweather

My Steam ID: yizashigreyspear
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