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The Official Funny, Violent, or Bizarre News Story Thread


No ifs, Ands or Butts....Even Myers87 couldn´t come up with a better catch phrase.
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All I have to say about that news story is it's about fuckin' time. Damned teenagers.
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http://www.geekologie.com/2008/09/post_49.php

Can't wait to see this thing walking around.
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Quote:

It is thought the insect will come down from its current position tomorrow and then 'wake up' on Friday before starting to explore the city.

Oh, I'm sure nothing will go wrong...right?
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Funny. Laws dictating how one wears one's pants are cool. Laws dictating whether or not women can go out in public with their faces uncovered are grounds for military action against your country. I think that the saggy-pants style is as retarded as the day is long - but in America you have the right to look like an idiot if you choose. Or at least you used to.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris Miller
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Is it sad that when I read that I went, 'Oh, some d-bag must be fucking around with fire again?' And sure enough...I'm going to go sort through my boxes and boxes of cards.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Doc Happenin
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Is it sad that when I read that I went, 'Oh, some d-bag must be fucking around with fire again?' And sure enough...I'm going to go sort through my boxes and boxes of cards.

Only as sad as I am for thinking of the headline in the first place. My alternate headline, by the way, was "Towards-Down Towards-Down + Punch".
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Quote:

Originally Posted by CNN

FRESNO, California (AP) -- Authorities say they've arrested a man who broke into the home of two California farmworkers, stole money, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing.

Officials: Burglar wakes men with spice rub, sausage whack
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris Miller
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Only as sad as I am for thinking of the headline in the first place. My alternate headline, by the way, was "Towards-Down Towards-Down + Punch".

The alternate headline wins.

Quote:

rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing.

Fuck this world. No, you know what? I changed my mind, that's awesome.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by NEW YORK (AP)

Should this world ever cease to exist, Stephen Colbert will live on.

The comedian's DNA will be digitized and sent to the International Space Station, Comedy Central was to announce Monday. In October, video game designer Richard Garriott will travel to the station and deposit Colbert's genes for an "Immortality Drive."

"I am thrilled to have my DNA shot into space, as this brings me one step closer to my lifelong dream of being the baby at the end of 2001," Colbert said in a statement, referring to the 1968 landmark science fiction film "2001: A Space Odyssey."

Ha! Ha!
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Man Leaves Girlfriend Behind Bars To Save Money.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Jan
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Maybe she plans on stealing some soap while stuck in the joint, and this is a working vacation.
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"One has to make savings wherever one can these days," police said.

Jail provides free "3 hots and a cot" (courtesy of my Dad, a retired corrections officer RIP). Perhaps the boyfriend was feeling the squeeze from today's unfriendly economy, and decided to cut some corners this month. He's frugal and should be commended.
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The Midnight Random Beating Train
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Minsky
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I just got sent this. Absolutely insane. He even whispers to his boy to go and sit down, then just goes insane. And no one stepped up to stop this? The video showed at least 4 healthy grown men walk off. Depressing.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Minsky
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This disturbs me a good deal more than you might think. A father of a working colleague of mine while I was working in Bruxelles got nearly killed in a random attack with a hammer when he was exiting a bus as well. He survived and is fine by now as as far as I know though. But Jesus.

Sometimes I hate humanity.

Though I honestly don´t know if I would have tried to stop this hammer wielding guy going berserk alone by stepping up to him.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Jan
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This disturbs me a good deal more than you might think. A father of a working colleague of mine while I was working in Bruxelles got nearly killed in a random attack with a hammer when he was exiting a bus as well.

So this begs the question, why is it a hammer? Two incidents in two different parts of the world, both involving mass transit and a hammer to the noggin.

Last summer here in Houston we had a guy lose it and shoot a guy on a Metro Bus...I don't remember the details, but the guy ended up getting off the hook and walking for it.
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I don´t know why wackos prefer their weapon of choice for their onslaught.

But not using a gun in Europe might be due to the fact that we have something like laws that forbid possessing ad carrying guns. Maybe. And maybe these guys where carpenters coming back from work.

And maybe I don´t even wanna know exactly but I sure as hell want this guys to be caught and locked away forever.
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Between this hammer attack and the dude who got denogginized in Canada, I think people ought not to fall asleep while riding public transportation.

Hammers are essentially bludgeons, they hearken back to our earliest weapons - rocks and clubs. There's something primally satisfying about the thought of smashing in someone's head with a blunt instrument.
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Well, you don't need a background check for a hammer. A hammer's main application is to do work. Sure, it does this by essentially bludgeoning the nail into submission, but it's still a valuable tool to carpenters. We aren't going to be outlawing kitchen knives because people stab people with them. (We aren't, are we?)
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Bears are fighting back again.
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Satanic Gang Kills, Eats Four Teens In Rural Russia

Quote:

Windsor Genova - AHN News Writer
Moscow, Russia (AHN) - Eight members of a satanic gang have been arrested in Russia for stabbing to death four teenagers and then roasting and eating parts of the victims' body in a diabolical ritual.

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Satanic rituals, economic collapse, coastal cities in ruin, an impending cold war, and now THIS.
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1. World's shortest man, leggiest woman meet

2. Police: Man who wanted picture gets 'train rash'

3. Woman faces charge after dishwashing dispute

I like the third story. The DJ's on the radio this morning were making fun of the guy for quite awhile.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Minsky
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Satanic rituals, economic collapse, coastal cities in ruin, an impending cold war, and now THIS.

Well, I for one know that my family would never do such a thing. Shame on you, Olive Garden!

Eh...I don't even care.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Brendan
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I thought this would be a Pesci/Everheart pic.
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"I love Weng Weng."
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http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/off...n.ceiling.kwch
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http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080925/...uKk0BY_Nqs0NUE

Quote:

Man charged after allegedly passing gas toward cop

SOUTH CHARLESTON, W.Va. - A West Virginia man who police said passed gas and fanned it toward a patrolman has been charged with battery on a police officer.

Jose A. Cruz, 34, of Clarksburg, was pulled over early Tuesday for driving without headlights, police said. According to the criminal complaint, Cruz smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and failed three field sobriety tests before he was handcuffed and taken to a police station for a breathalyzer test.

As Patrolman T.E. Parsons prepared the machine, Cruz scooted his chair toward Parsons, lifted his leg and "passed gas loudly," the complaint said.

Cruz, according to complaint, then fanned the gas toward the officer.

"The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons," the complaint alleged.

He was also charged with driving under the influence, driving without headlights and two counts of obstruction.

Cruz acknowledged passing gas, but said he didn't move his chair toward the officer nor aim gas at the patrolman. He said he had an upset stomach at the time, but police denied his request to go to the bathroom when he first arrived at the station.

"I couldn't hold it no more," he said.

He also denied being drunk and uncooperative as the police complaint alleged. He added he was upset at being prepared for a breathalyzer test while having an asthma attack. The police statement said he later resisted being secured for a trip to a hospital that he requested for asthma treatment.

Cruz said the officers thought the gas incident was funny when it happened and laughed about it with him.

"This is ridiculous," he said. "I could be facing time."

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Porn's losing its hold. (Safe For Work)
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Am I the only one shocked porn was only 20% of searches to begin with?
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"My theory is that young users spend so much time on social networks that they don't have time to look at adult sites."

Ha. I laugh at your findings. There is no stopping me from doing both, or treating the one like the other.

Science, you fail.
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Good.
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http://www.ktla.com/content_landing_...9...eedID=1080

Quote:

Man Sues Doctors Over Amputated Penis

KTLA News

September 24, 2008

LOUISVILLE, Ky -- A man is suing his doctors for allegedly amputating his penis without his consent.

Philip Seaton says he went into the hospital to have a circumcision last October after doctors found cancer on his sex organs.

But when he woke up hours later, his penis was gone.

According to his lawsuit filed in Shelby County, Seaton is suing over mental anguish, pain and loss of enjoyment.

The lawsuit states doctors received consent to perform a circumcision and only a circumcision, and that Seaton never agreed to having his penis being removed.

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Paging Dr. Bobbit....
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And you thought your job sucked.
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