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The Official Funny, Violent, or Bizarre News Story Thread

On one hand, this is amusing. On the other, it shows how dumb some of the people in my city are.



Quote:

 

Police in London have taken to Twitter to plea with the public to stop bothering them about KFC being closed.


The fast food chain made the drastic move to close more than half of its 900 outlets in the UK after delivery problems led to a chicken shortage.


The situation has been the talk of chicken-munchers across social media this week, but it would appear some people feel it is a police matter.

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"Inspectors! Cease all investigations into that multiple homicide. I have a REAL case for you..."

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There are some real dumb people in this city. Who the fuck thinks THAT is a police matter?

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AKFC isn't even good enough to call the neighborhood association over.
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We had a KFC open across the road from our office a few weeks back and, for the first two or three weeks, people were queuing for up to THIRTY MINUTES due to how busy it was in there. I couldn't believe it. It's like nobody in this part of the city had ever eaten a chicken burger before.



I walked into work this week and everyone was saying "Did you see that the KFC isn't open?!" as though it was the most important thing EVER.

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Y'all need a Popeye's.

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London and the major cities have a tonne of places to eat relatively cheaply that don't require submitting to chain slop, but outside the main metropolitan areas, I've always been surprised that the food franchise business has remained so consolidated and lacking on competition.

Ah well. At least there is Greggs for all your sausage roll and pasty needs.
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Oh God. Greggs is amazing. Haven't had one for a while. Might treat myself this weekend!

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When I was a kid, and the KFC was opened in Cleethorpes, it was a big deal. We used to get a taxi and order a bucket of chicken. The fact that the chicken came in a bucket was amazing. They would have kids birthday parties and all that shit in there. I will say, that I seriously think that the original chicken in the UK tasted different to the original chicken int the US. It tested better, to me, in the UK.



I remember when Pizza Hut was a sit down restaurant with an expensive as fuck salad bar. I took my ex-missus out for fine dining in Grimsby in 1997-8 and she was amused that we we're at Pizza Hut and had waiters and everything. She was not so impressed that dinner for 2 was about 60 quid or $80. So the next night we went and got a Kebab and some Hooch. Good times.

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ATell us of other tales from the long long ago JP.
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You joke, but Grimsby was a little like Middle Earth but with a higher unemployment rate.



And I lived in the time before food was taxed in England, and I could get sausage and chips for 8 pence and Chicken Chow mein, chips  and curry sauce for less than 50p.

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Man accused of putting dead cat in Stevens Point bank box withdraws pleas


http://www.waow.com/story/37558025/2018/...raws-pleas



Quote:

 In a separate case, Doppsmith was accused of setting a tree on fire to help the tree "molt."
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China Vows To Crack Down On Funeral Strippers



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AI'd crack up..
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I'd just go to random peoples' funerals.

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In this week's edition of "At least I'm not that guy".....



Quote:

In a series of posts on 2channel, the anonymous masturbator from Japan told users that he works with anglerfish on a regular basis, and decided to wank with the fish’s stomach out of ‘curiosity’.



He described how he had taken precautions, carefully disinfecting the raw fish organ using salt and ethanol before rubbing it against his penis.



The detailed statuses ended with a photo of him wearing the stomach on his hand, as though it were a glove.



Accompanying the image was a short caption: ‘I’m taking off my pants now.’



However, all did not go according to plan as he later revealed in a follow-up that he had had to check himself into hospita after coming down with pain in his penis.



Doctors apparently diagnosed the man with urethritis – an inflammation of the urethra – and put him on a course of antibiotics. It’s believed he caught a parasitic infection during his wank.



The man said he also has to keep applying ointment to his penis in order to sooth the stinging sensation when he urinates.



Despite this less-than-positive experience, the man said he was keen to try masturbating with a dead squid.

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JFC.



Human beings, everyone. Top of the fucking food chain somehow.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by MichaelM View Post
 

In this week's edition of "At least I'm not that guy".....




ಠ_ಠ

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This on top of a news story I heard while driving to work - a story about a teenager thinking it would be fun to piss on the buttons in an elevator.



I'd say we're just jumped up chimpanzees but that seems to be doing the chimps a disservice.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by MichaelM View Post
 

This on top of a news story I heard while driving to work - a story about a teenager thinking it would be fun to piss on the buttons in an elevator.



https://mashable.com/2018/02/26/kid-pees...HgNeiaYmqu

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3 guys tried to chainsaw off a Triathletes legs

https://sports.vice.com/en_us/article/j5...h-chainsaw

Maybe they were only gonna borrow them for speed?
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Quote:A Mother's Day cream tea advert has sparked fury for depicting a scone with the jam dolloped on the cream.
The National Trust's Lanhydrock in Bodmin angered Cornish locals by depicting the delicacy in the rival Devon tradition on a Facebook post.
Outraged locals said they were going to cancel memberships over the blunder.
The Trust apologised for the "heinous mistake", adding staff will wear #JamFirst badges to support "a proper cream tea".
About 300 people complained on the post, with some claiming it was "horrifying" and "made them feel sick".

(Source)

"If I can shoot rabbits, then I can shoot fascists" -  The Manic Street Preachers

Steam ID: iammrsaxon / Blizzard ID: MrSaxon#2283 / Xbox ID: MR SAX0N
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Gotta admire the guy's positive attitude.

This Guy Says His Girlfriend Stabbed Him With A Samurai Sword Partly Because He Played Too Many Video Games

Quote:"I've been indirectly preparing myself for this night my whole life," Lovell said.

"I didn't freeze. The Wing Chun came out," he said.
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