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Things that make you laugh catch-all.
(12-27-2018, 10:24 AM)ryoken Wrote:
  • “SQUIRTED MIXTURE OF BLEACH AND WATER INTO RECTUM WANTING TO PREVENT AIDS”

This is what abstinence only sex-ed gets you.
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Costume test for David Lynch's Return of the Jedi


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https://reddit.app.link/CEyF08V19S
...don't do it
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Twitter branding sure is something:

   
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Any TC users in Philly looking for a sex dungeon?

The pictures at the link are very likely NSFW, just so we're clear.

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/kat...nnsylvania

Quote:Yes, it’s a fucking sex house. The 5-bedroom, 2.5-bath home just went on the market, and yes, the furniture — sex swing and all — is included in the $750,000 listing price.

“Total suburban beautiful home,” the listing's realtor Melissa Leonard told BuzzFeed News. “But the twist is it has this sex oasis in the basement.”

According to Leonard, the owner lived there with his family for years, until his wife died and he moved with his family to Philadelphia. In the meantime, he set up the house as an Airbnb to rent out over the last few months.

The Airbnb listing is titled “Maison XS - Just Be You” and has photos of the “underground adult room” with moody lighting. The Airbnb rents for $750 per night (yes, there is also a $250 cleaning fee, which seems exceedingly reasonable).

Maple Glen, where the home is located, is a sleepy suburb of Philadelphia with good schools and fewer than 10,000 residents. The sex house is located on a private street with just two other neighbors. Leonard is not sure what the neighbors think of the sex house, or if they know at all.

The home listing went viral on social media within hours of showing up on real estate site Redfin. Leonard is delighted by the attention and hoping for a buyer who sees a unique opportunity. "The big question I get from other realtors is, 'How did you keep a straight face?'" she said.
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Hey don't knock sex swings. If you happen to find a girl's sex swing and porn stash on the first date, you've just scored a major coup most likely. That's how it went down with my current girlfriend. She'd murder me if she knew I was telling this story but....you know how first dates go. We went to a movie. Got something to eat. Went back to her place to bullshit for a few more hours. You kinda sit there slightly awkward and make the usual small talk. "You wanna play dominos?" she asks. "Ok.." She goes to get the dominos out of her bedroom closet (I can see into the bedroom and mostly the closet). As she's rummaging around in the top of the closet looking for them she knocks a bunch of shit out. She realizes what's fallen out and locks eyes with me, face turning fifty shades of red. "The porn DVDs I recognize....but is that other thing a sex swing?" I ask. "Yes" she says "Yes it is.."

"........"

"..........."

Finally she breaks the silence with "I can't find the dominoes and you've already seen the damn thing. You wanna stop pretending like we're in church and fuck like animals?"

"Uh, yes....yes I do. I'll go get some rubbers. Be right back.."

"Fuck that. That'll take too long. Besides....my tubes are tied."

Game on.

Best first date I've ever had.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, that was my one experience with a sex swing. And while I've never seen one in action, they're terrific ice breakers..
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Dear Penthouse Forums,

...
If you're happy, you're not paying attention.

Originally Posted by JacknifeJohnny: 
Glad that you guys worked that out amongst yourselves.

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...and if we're ever in Brooklyn and you meet her, I'll deny everything if you mention this!

"Baby, honestly....I told them about the OTHER girl with the sex swing!"
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(02-09-2019, 07:52 AM)fraid uh noman Wrote: Hey don't knock sex swings. If you happen to find a girl's sex swing and porn stash on the first date, you've just scored a major coup most likely. That's how it went down with my current girlfriend. She'd murder me if she knew I was telling this story but....you know how first dates go. We went to a movie. Got something to eat. Went back to her place to bullshit for a few more hours. You kinda sit there slightly awkward and make the usual small talk. "You wanna play dominos?" she asks. "Ok.." She goes to get the dominos out of her bedroom closet (I can see into the bedroom and mostly the closet). As she's rummaging around in the top of the closet looking for them she knocks a bunch of shit out. She realizes what's fallen out and locks eyes with me, face turning fifty shades of red. "The porn DVDs I recognize....but is that other thing a sex swing?" I ask. "Yes" she says "Yes it is.."

"........"

"..........."

Finally she breaks the silence with "I can't find the dominoes and you've already seen the damn thing. You wanna stop pretending like we're in church and fuck like animals?"

"Uh, yes....yes I do. I'll go get some rubbers. Be right back.."

"Fuck that. That'll take too long. Besides....my tubes are tied."

Game on.

Best first date I've ever had.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, that was my one experience with a sex swing. And while I've never seen one in action, they're terrific ice breakers..



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[Image: F04wYPu.gif]
[Image: latest?cb=20130405010724]
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A guy I know has identical twin sons named Amal and Juan. They're six. He showed me a picture of his son in his wallet. "This is Juan."

Do you have a picture of your other son, I asked?

"Naw. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.."
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https://www.famousfingers.ca/
"Dictatorships foster oppression, dictatorships foster servitude, dictatorships foster cruelty; more abominable is the fact that they foster idiocy."

Xbox Live Gamer Tag: Strider Ryoken / PSN: Kenryo81 /Steam: Ryoken81
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Good to know, Shane.  Thanks.

https://twitter.com/shanedawson/status/1...6332489728

Quote:i didnt fuck my cat. i didnt cum on my cat. i didnt put my dick anywhere near my cat. Ive never done anything weird with my cats. I promised myself i wasnt going to make apology videos after last years thing so im just trying to be as short and honest with this as possible. (1/?)
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I saw this today while at Walmart buying Bumblebee.
   

Is this not the worst, ugliest, most amateurishly photoshopped DTV cover EVER?
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Are those... bullet towers in the back?
If you're happy, you're not paying attention.

Originally Posted by JacknifeJohnny: 
Glad that you guys worked that out amongst yourselves.

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I don't know what's supposed to be going on in that cover. Bullets that are supposed to look like buildings or something?

But the real WTF element is Matthew Modine looking like he's cosplaying Grindenwald. Nothing on that cover works. Not one thing. Unless you MUST see every movie Sly has ever done (and this is probably one of those Bruce Willis specials where he's in it for about 4 minutes), who, in the hell, would look at that cover and think "fuck yeah! That looks like a badass movie!"

I guarantee you....99% of people who redbox or buy that thing is a Trump supporter..
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