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The All-Purpose "Nuke Florida From Orbit" Thread

Florida man plots to plant bombs at nation's Target stores in effort to lower stock prices.



http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kabo...n=us_crime

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Jmurdoch View Post
 

Florida man plots to plant bombs at nation's Target stores in effort to lower stock prices.



http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kabo...n=us_crime


I knew it! He's mad about their current buy 2 get one free movie deal.

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How about some good Florida news?



http://www.tampabay.com/news/politics/st...d56e2e2991



Quote:

The Florida Senate Criminal Justice Committee concluded this week that's money poorly spent. It voted unanimously for SB 290 that would end minimum mandatory sentences for non-violent offenses like Powell's. The massive shift in the tough-on-crime bills of the last two decades that filled prisons and created what both liberals and conservatives now believe has been a subclass of lifers in jail and a waste of tax money.



The "prison diversion bill" will save the state $131 million in avoided costs and put 1,001 fewer people in jail, said Sen. Daryl Rouson, D-St. Petersburg, the bill's sponsor.

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Okay, Florida, now you'e just fucking with us:



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So many layers to this story:



http://www.rawstory.com/2017/06/no-threa...materials/



Quote:

A federal judge in Florida has granted bail to a self-professed neo-Nazi who was taken into custody last month by police who discovered bomb-making materials, weapons and ammo in the his Tampa apartment, reports Fox 13.

Federal Judge Thomas McCoun granted bond for 21-year-old Brandon Russell on Friday, stating there was no clear and convincing evidence “the defendant represents a threat to any person or community.”



According to the police who took Russell into custody, they discovered the weapons and materials used for making bombs in Russell’s garage and that he had a framed picture of Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh on his dresser. Police also state they discovered Nazi and white supremacist literature on Russell’s computer.



Investigators report that Russell, a member of the Florida National Guard, admitted that he is a Nazi sympathizer and that he previously had created explosives.



Police were tipped off to Russell by Devon Arthurs, who was taken into custody after allegedly killing two of his roommates who were white nationalists. According to Arthurs he killed his roommates because he had converted to Islam and they mocked his faith

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The bomb making equipment, guns and Hitler blow up doll weren't enough to keep this guy in jail? Oh right, because he's white.

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A retired firefighter was mad that some AT&T trucks were parked in front of his house, so he shot the tires out:



http://wsvn.com/news/local/elderly-hiale...-property/



Here's the video since I couldn't get it to work on that link:



https://twitter.com/BillyCorben/status/8...8627628036



I'm not sure shooting the tires is the best way to get the trucks to move, personally.

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AOh, if only a ricochet had hit him in the dick.
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AI just knew from seeing Brad's post on the preview page that this was gonna be something to do with George Zimmerman. I don't know if it's better or worse being wrong about that. Since nobody DIED.....better? I guess?
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We have a sausage mystery in Miami:



http://rare.us/rare-news/across-the-u-s-...heir-roof/



Quote:

A Florida family woke up to fifteen pounds of Italian sausage that fell from the sky onto their home and property in Deerfield Beach, according to WPLG.



Travis Adair said the sound was “like thunder, and it awakened me out of a sleep.” When he went outside, he found two packages of frozen sausage in their side yard. His son Austin got on the roof and, sure enough, found three additional packages of frozen sausage up there.



The family is understandably puzzled.



The packages were marked with “William Land Service,” so the Adair family went online and looked them up, finding a company in Huntsville, Alabama.



“I called them and the guy had no idea what I was talking about and probably thought I was crazy,” said Austin Adair. But the New York Post reports that the Adairs called a land clearing service that spells it “Williams,” not “William.”



Williams Land Service co-owner Garnet Williams told the Post that the errant roof meat was “funny to us,” but that the company has “no idea” what happened to the Adair family.

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Errant Roof Meat sounds like They Might Be Giants' most ambitious album yet.

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'Oh, he just died': Teens who mocked disabled man as they filmed him drown will NOT face charges.

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AAnyone who films vertically should face charges.
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Tracking African land snails in Florida has gobbled up millions in taxpayer dollars:



http://www.tampabay.com/news/environment...ds/2205565



The reason Florida officials think these snails are there?  Well, it's a doozy:



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Quote:

Originally Posted by Iron Maiden View Post
 

Tracking African land snails in Florida has gobbled up millions in taxpayer dollars:



http://www.tampabay.com/news/environment...ds/2205565



The reason Florida officials think these snails are there?  Well, it's a doozy:





Great, so now nuking Florida is no longer an option; if we do, we'll make the dumbest looking kaiju ever.

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A "Trump divorce" in Florida:



http://nypost.com/2017/07/27/socialite-c...s-release/



Quote:

Politics isn’t only dividing the nation, but tearing apart marriages too, according to one newly-separated Florida couple.



The tony Palm Beach couple’s “Trump Divorce” was announced Thursday in a press release from a firm a representing the wife.



“Dave and Lynn Aronberg Sign Amicable Divorce Settlement Putting an End to What Some Were Calling The Trump Divorce,” the release said.



Lynn Aronberg, a former Miami Dolphins cheerleader, and Dave Aronberg, the Palm Beach County State Attorney, had been married for less than two years, according to the Palm Beach Post.



In an unusual move, the release goes on to detail the personal differences that led to the end of marriage.



The release said Lynn Aronberg, 36, is a “staunch Republican and supporter of President Trump” and felt “increasingly isolated in the marriage.” Her ex-husband, 46, is a Democrat.



The statement also included the financial terms of the settlement, the Palm Beach Post reported.



Lynn Aronberg, who runs her own media relations firm, will reportedly receive $100,000 worth of benefits in “exchange for her signature on the dotted line.” Her ex will also cover Lynn’s rent in a luxury Boca Raton condo until next summer along with a new BMW and $40,000 cash.



The settlement comes after she filed for divorce in March — less than two months after President Donald Trump was inaugurated.

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Two dummies made a video recently of them dragging a shark in Florida (video at the link), but, and this will not shock you, they've abused animals before:



http://www.rawstory.com/2017/07/florida-...=hootsuite



Quote:
The men who recorded themselves dragging a shark at “high speed” have previously documented themselves torturing other animals, the New York Post reports.

In one image—posted on Facebook by an outraged citizen—two men identified as Bo Benac and Nicholas Burns Easterling pour beer in the mouth of a large grouper. The driver of the boat from the “high speed” video is identified in the post as Michael Wenzel.

“This is one of the evil POS that dragged the shark,” the post reads. “His mother is a Manatee County commissioner. Look what he and his friend are doing to this beautiful grouper who was probably 50 years old. #notfunny”



According to the Miami Herald, Wenzel was previously investigated in 2015 after federal and state officials obtained pictures of him holding a pelican and gull. Wenzel reportedly posted those photos on Facebook. Wenzel’s Instagram also featured a video of him shooting a gun at an air-breathing tarpon.



As the Post reports, an online petition demanding punishment for the mens’ “sociopathic petition” has begun circulating online. As of publication, over 9,000 people have urged a criminal investigation and the permanent revocation of their fishing licenses.



Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission (FWC) officials Tuesday announced an investigation into the viral video, but declined to confirm the men’s identities.


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sounds like someone's in need of some DESTROYING...

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Some of you guys may not be as sensitive to this stuff as I am, but let's "NSFW" images of any sort of animal abuse if we're going to post it at all. I don't need to see that shit when I'm lurking about on a lazy Saturday afternoon.

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APeople that do that are fucking sick. I HAAAAATTTTE snakes from the very deepest darkest depths of my being...but I wouldn't TORTURE one. It's not the snake's fault that it's a snake..
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JacknifeJohnny View Post
 

Some of you guys may not be as sensitive to this stuff as I am, but let's "NSFW" images of any sort of animal abuse if we're going to post it at all. I don't need to see that shit when I'm lurking about on a lazy Saturday afternoon.



Sorry.  I didn't post the shark video for that exact reason, but the smug look on the guy's face in the photo riled me up to the point where I thought it'd add weight to the post.  Won't happen again.



EDIT: The picture is down.

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One of the officers who responded to the Orlando massacre now suffers from PTSD, and he's losing his job over it:



http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/brea...story.html



Quote:

One of the first police officers who responded to the Pulse nightclub shooting in June 2016 and now suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder is being dismissed from Eatonville’s Police Department.



The Town Council voted unanimously Tuesday night to pay Cpl. Omar Delgado about $1,200 before taxes in accrued sick time. The agenda item confirmed that his last day of employment is Dec. 31.



Delgado was lauded as a hero at Pulse for saving Angel Colon, who had been shot several times as gunfire erupted inside the nightclub June 12, 2016.



Delgado said he returned to patrol duty for a few months after the massacre that left 49 dead and at least 68 injured, but he had to stop. He still doesn’t like going to restaurants and bars.



“Too many people,” he said. “God forbid, something happens — I don’t know if I’d be able to react.”



For the past eight months, Delgado has worked a desk job, answering phones and doing light tasks. He said this week all of that changed when he was told Monday that his last day on the job would be at the end of the month.



He was six months away from from being able to collect 64% of his salary with benefits for life:



Quote:

An additional six months of employment — he has worked for the department for 9½ years — would have allowed him to become vested in the pension system and collect 64 percent of his salary with benefits for life. Delgado makes $38,500 annually, Town Clerk Cathy Williams said.



As it stands now, he will only receive 42 percent of his salary starting when he’s 55 years old. He’s 45 now.



Give the guy his damn benefits.

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A guy in Florida loaded up his car with frozen iguanas, and they started moving around in his car because of the warmth:



https://www.npr.org/2018/01/05/576082463...zen-iguana



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AAll this talk of frozen iguanas has had me flashing back to old Dave Barry columns:
[quote name="Dave Barry" url="http://www.davebarry.com/misccol/desillers%20effect.htm"]You never know what's out there. We found this out at our house during the Falling Lizards Incident. I'm not talking about the cute friendly little lizards that you see constantly down here, sitting on your toothbrush, standing upside down on your ceiling, etc. I'm talking about a completely new brand of lizard that we discovered on our property last Christmas. This was during the Major Cold Wave when the temperature got down to a life-threatening 30 degrees and we were introduced to the "rolling blackout" by the folks at Florida Power & Light (Motto: "Our Motto Is Not In Service At This Time").

On Christmas morning we walked outside to find large, bright-green lizards falling out of our trees. I mean large lizards. I never even knew they were up there, and all of a sudden WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP they were raining all over the lawn, a lizard storm. They looked dead, but they weren't. I know this because my son and I picked some of them up and put them in a box and brought them inside, and after a while I reached in to touch one and YIKES he suddenly opened his mouth really wide and hissed at me and I set a new world's record in the Leaping- Backward-While-Wetting-Your-Pants event.

When the weather warmed up we took them back outside and they disappeared. I imagine they're back up there in the trees, possibly with an escaped snake the size of Rhode Island, but I don't really know. All I know is that they helped make it a memorable holiday for us -- a time of gathering comatose lizards off the lawn; of waiting excitedly for the arrival of the "rolling blackout"; of listening for the festive discharge of firearms that accompanies all South Florida holidays including Arbor Day; and of imagining that, if we listened carefully, we could hear, faintly in the distance, the unmistakable holiday sound of a Christmas tree going bankrupt. In short, it was a classic South Florida experience, the kind you couldn't get anywhere else in the country.[/quote]
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A pet monkey escaped a car and bit a Home Depot employee:

http://abc7chicago.com/pets-animals/vide...t/3583078/

Quote:A wild monkey went on the attack at a Home Depot in Florida, and it was all caught on camera.

The pet monkey escaped from its owner's truck and went ape on a store employee in Okeechobee, Florida.

Authorities said the domesticated spider monkey, named Spanky, was waiting in a car at about 2 p.m. Monday when its owner, Tina Ballard, went into the store to shop, sheriff's officials said.

Employee Marilyn Howard, 50, was on break when she heard co-workers yelling there was a monkey on the loose, according to the report.

The employee grabbed onto the leash and the monkey climbed on her back, but when the front sliding glass door of the store opened, the monkey got scared and bit Howard.

Howard refused immediate medical attention but said she would get examined at a hospital.
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This is why you don't leave animals in your car while you shop.
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More Florida/monkey news:

https://www.wsbtv.com/news/trending-now/.../765911765

Quote:A Florida man had to be separated from his Capuchin monkey after he was arrested for reportedly driving a stolen vehicle into a ditch in Holiday.

The monkey, named Monk, is seen clinging to the shirt of Cody Blake Hesson, who was arrested for auto theft. Sheriffs officials say Monk was wearing a diaper.
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Respect:

https://breaking911.com/florida-man-stri...-in-again/

Quote:Florida Man Strips Down To His Underwear & Crocs, Jumps Into Crocodile Pool, Gets Bitten, Climbs Out and Jumps In Again
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...Christ, this is a nail-biter. It's all coming down to around maybe 4,000 votes for the U.S. Senate-race. And seriously, fuck anyone who voted for Ron DeSantis.



"These guys are pros, Michael. They're gonna push the tension 'till the last possible moment before they strip."

 
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The State of Florida should be scuttled.

I hear Key West is nice though.
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Is it too late to turn Alas, Babylon into an actual historical-fiction novel?
"These guys are pros, Michael. They're gonna push the tension 'till the last possible moment before they strip."

 
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Some good stuff have come out from Florida...not as of late, but back in the day.
I think most of these earn them a reprieve, along with the fact that its sorta nice to have a single state that hogs most of the crazy out there.
"Dictatorships foster oppression, dictatorships foster servitude, dictatorships foster cruelty; more abominable is the fact that they foster idiocy."

Xbox Live Gamer Tag: Strider Ryoken / PSN: Kenryo81 /Steam: Ryoken81
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Hell of a video at the link:

https://twitter.com/haramgirlfriend/stat...8398615553

Quote:This is like if the dude in Memento had to remind himself he was a huge dipshit.
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(11-19-2018, 07:29 AM)Iron Maiden Wrote: Hell of a video at the link:

https://twitter.com/haramgirlfriend/stat...8398615553

Quote:This is like if the dude in Memento had to remind himself he was a huge dipshit.

Glorious!  I wish I could have gotten a better look at that monstrosity.  Guy is probably over 50 years old and gets a full back tattoo that features the enemies of the constitution in "negative".  Great plan, sir!
I think these screen captures and giant (Dildi? Is there a plural?) are just the next step in the JJ Abrams online adventure series. Very slyly played, Bitches Leave.-Tom Fuchs
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