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The All-Purpose "Nuke Florida From Orbit" Thread
Florida woman faces an aggravated assault charge after authorities say she farted in line at a dollar store and pulled a knife on a man who complained about it:
I just can't stop laughing. I....what the fuck. The fuck is wrong with people? That it happened at a dollar store is like, the cherry on top..
A 28-year-old woman attacked her parents because they wouldn't take her to Outback Steakhouse.

I thought that was only reasonable behavior when someone was forcing you to go to Outback Steakhouse.

Quote:A Florida woman has been arrested after she allegedly attacked her parents because they wouldn't take her to eat at Outback Steakhouse.

Deana Seltzer, 28, lives with her parents and reportedly wanted to go to the restaurant last Wednesday, but her parents said no. Deputies say that's when she began punching her mother and scratched her father in the face.

Vadim Seltzer called 911 and told dispatchers that his daughter was armed with a knife.

When deputies arrived, Deana Seltzer reportedly tried to run away but was quickly caught and taken into custody.

Seltzer was arrested on one count each of simple domestic battery and battery of a person 65 or older. She also faces two counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

A Palm Beach County judge ordered that Seltzer undergo a mental health assessment upon her release from jail. She was also ordered to stay away from drugs, alcohol and weapons, WPLG-TV reported.
I could marry this woman.
Take it to the dating thread, man!
If you're happy, you're not paying attention.

Originally Posted by JacknifeJohnny: 
Glad that you guys worked that out amongst yourselves.

A man in Florida was arrested for dressing up like a dog and having sex with a dog:

Quote:An Oldsmar man was arrested Monday after allegedly recording himself having sex with his Siberian Husky, Pinellas County sheriff's deputies say.

Christian Steward Oscar Nichols, 21, was charged with aggravated animal cruelty.

According to detectives, the investigation began last month when someone reported to Pinellas County Animal Services seeing video and photographs on the internet of a man having sex with a dog.

Sheriff's detectives obtained the photos and video showing a man dressed in a dog costume molesting a husky. 

The dog was in distress and tried to run away, deputies said.

Investigators said they were able to trace the video and photos back to Nichols. They interviewed him Monday, and they say he admitted to making the video with his dog, named Ember, and posting it online.

Ember and another dog were removed from Nichols' home.

On Tuesday, 10 additional charges of prohibition of certain acts in connection with obscene materials were filed in connection with videos found in Nichols' bedroom, officials said.

The videos show unidentified people having sex with dogs, investigators say.

He remains in Pinellas County Jail with bail set at $10,000.
In the last 20 days, two mayors of one Florida town have been arrested:

Quote:A second mayor has been arrested in Port Richey, Florida, 20 days after taking over for the previous mayor, who had been arrested. 

Terrence Rowe, 64, was arrested on charges of obstruction of justice, conspiracy to commit obstruction of justice and use of a two-way communication device to facilitate the commission of a crime. This was the second time in 20 days that a mayor had been arrested in the Florida town, the first being Dale Massad, 68, who is accused of firing at a Pasco sheriff’s SWAT team that was arresting him on allegations that he was practicing medicine without a license. You can find our coverage of that story here. 

Rowe was acting mayor after Governor DeSantis suspended Massad from office. Authorities say that Rowe’s arrest is an off-shoot of Massad’s arrest, but did not elaborate. 
Well he's certainly a go-getter.
Good grief:

Quote:The principal at a Florida high school is being reassigned to a position with the school district after revelations that he wrote emails to a parent that seemed to cast doubt on the historical veracity of the Holocaust.

“It is out of an abundance of concern and respect for the students and staff of Spanish River Community High School that School District Administration has decided to reassign Principal William Latson effective immediately,” the School District of Palm Beach County wrote in a statement.

In April 2018, a parent reached out to William Latson, the principal at Spanish River Community High School in Boca Raton, with a question about how the school handles the Holocaust in its curriculum.

“I can’t say the Holocaust is a factual, historical event because I am not in a position to do so as a school district employee,” Latson responded, according to the school district.

The Palm Beach Post published the excerpts from the emails on Friday after obtaining them via an open records request.

According to the paper, Latson went on to write, “Not everyone believes the Holocaust happened. And you have your thoughts, but we are a public school and not all of our parents have the same beliefs.”
A Florida man threatened to bring a gun to a Walmart if his remote control car didn't work:

Quote:A 33-year-old stood in a Walmart toy aisle on Friday and threatened to bring a gun to the U.S. 19 store if the remote control car he was buying didn’t work, according to police.

Anthony Reed, 33, was arrested Monday evening on a felony charge of making a false report about using a firearm in a violent manner.

The alleged threat was made days after 22 people were killed in an Aug. 3 mass shooting attack at a Walmart in El Paso, Texas, and nine people died in a bar shooting in Dayton, Ohio.

Reed may be a sovereign citizen, according to the arrest report. Those are anti-government extremists who do not believe they are subject to federal, state or local laws or taxes.
This motherfucker is 33!? I was expecting a 14 year old and then even that seemed a stretch..
(08-14-2019, 05:57 AM)fraid uh noman Wrote: This motherfucker is 33!? I was expecting a 14 year old and then even that seemed a stretch..

Yeah but have you ever had remote control car problems? It's pretty stressful.

EDIT: Ohh I just saw that he is a sovereign citizen. Oh boy.
“I call upon you to stop this musical now,” she said to the board. “You tear a community apart if you don’t.” -Prachi Ruina                                                            
(08-14-2019, 01:37 AM)Iron Maiden Wrote: A Florida man threatened to bring a gun to a Walmart if his remote control car didn't work:

You guys missed the bigger threat mentioned at the bottom of that article...

Quote:Days later, a 56-year-old man drove his golf cart inside the same Walmart on Aug. 8 and was arrested on multiple charges for terrorizing and hitting shoppers as he drove through the checkout area.
I used to be with "it", but then they changed what "it" was. Now, what I'm with isn't "it", and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me.   -Grandpa Simpson
I been to Tampa. It felt like the OTHER side of Harvey Dent's face (Orlando being the better side).

"Roll 'em up.."
-Clark Griswold
Now that's a headline: "Florida woman who pulled gator from yoga pants gets probation."

Quote:A Florida woman who was arrested for pulling a small alligator out of her yoga pants during a traffic stop pleaded guilty to illegally possessing animals and was sentenced to probation, authorities said.

The woman, 25-year-old Ariel Machan-Le Quire, was arrested in May when she and 22-year-old Michael Clemons were pulled over by Charlotte County cops after Clemons ran a stop sign, according to police.

The pair told the officers they were collecting frogs and snakes underneath an overpass and gave them permission to search the car and bags they had, authorities said.

Cops discovered 41 turtles in a “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” backpack, and asked Machan-Le Quire if she had anything else unusual on her.

She then pulled a 1-foot-long gator out of her yoga pants and handed it to the officers, police said.
Trump may want to nuke hurricanes, but this Florida man has a different plan:

Quote:"I can’t see how they haven’t come up with some kind of way to combat these storms yet,” said Florida Man — in a video posted by Florida Today reporter Tyler Vazquez. “They keep saying, two days ago, three days ago, ‘Oh … it’s gonna hit all this warm weather. All this warm weather and warm water.

“We have a Navy. Why don’t the Navy come and drop ice in the warm water so it can’t get going as fast as it’s going? There’s gotta be ways to combat this instead of just point at the thing and saying, ‘Well, now it’s getting worse!’ Yeah, we know it’s getting worse!”

The Navy is not the only branch of the Armed Forces that the unidentified Florida Man would like to see get involved. 

“You tell us, ‘Oh, it’s the warm weather. Oh, it’s the wind.’ Well, we have an Air Force,” said Florida Man — speaking in a heavy New England accent. “Drive some Air Force planes around and get the winds going the opposite way. Get the Navy to in circles to fight it the other way.”
That was the exact joke that Futurama used in their climate change short film. Just drop larger ice blocks in the ocean until the problem went away forever.

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