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2016 Schick Hydrobot's GOTY Thread. Brought to you by "Ideal 31-2143 55 gal Drum of ClearGlide Lubricant" shipping free from Amazon Prime.
AFuck Geoff Keighley. I had the market cornered on Weta designed awards. Spent around $29.99 having them craft this gem:

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My Top 10 of 2016:

1) Overwatch - The game that keeps giving and giving and giving. So many characters to try out and master. This is the game that also takes and takes and takes; lol at the suckers spending upwards around $20-100 for that Mercy skin.

2) Doom - RIP AND TEAR

3) Dishonored 2 - Played this three times. Even with the janky pc performance this still ranks high on my list.

4) Witcher Blood and Wine - There are AAA releases that wish they were as big as this expansion. I don't know why the achievement whore in me made me play this on xbox when I should have gone through on pc, but this was a fantastic piece of work by CDPR that oddly is getting neglected because it's only an "expansion".

5) Uncharted 4 - Game had me at Crash Bandicoot.

6) Forza Horizon 3 - The only thing I played when I was doing ultra shitty 90 hour work weeks this fall. Probably the only reason (besides my Rock Band dlc library) why I have an Xbox One.

7) Hitman - Initially I was 'fuck off, no buy' to the episodic release schedule. But this turned out to be (alongside Dishonored) a great stealth assassination game. Next celeb they should add, Shia LaBoof.

8) Oxenfree - Year started out pretty decent with this leading off January. Played it a few more times since (and once more when they released the dev commentary stuff). World needs more talking simulators like this and Firewatch. Firewatch would have placed this list if it wasn't so glitchy and bug addled requiring me to literally bruteforce glitch my way to the ending.

9) Far Cry Primal - This could have been garbage. Just a decent simple game that follows the Ubi Template to the letter. Dropping bees, riding bears, and building my tribe was just fun.

My last entry barely made the list. If I had played Stardew or Planet Coaster and fallen in love with it this clumsy entry wouldn't have placed. You know what, fuck it.

10) XCOM 2 - Usually XCOM would be all consuming warranting repeat playthroughs. I couldn't be bothered with this shit the first time. Tried picking it up again after some late night black friday shopping, oof the console ports have painfully slow loading times. Yeah, no thanks.

10) Dragon Quest Builders - It was a toss up between this and Salt & Sanctuary for the 10 spot. While I liked the challenge of S&S and them capturing Dark Souls shit in the 2d space. My filthy casual roots are showing and I spent a lot of time fucking around in this game. Just mindlessly questing and building crap after getting home at 2 in the morning.

I Wish I had more time to play these (aka why am I still buying pc games? just fucking stop you don't play them):

Planet Coaster
Stardew Valley
Total Warhammer
The Turing Test
Punch Club

Meh 2k16:

Inside - Too simple. I remember Limbo feeling much more satisfying when beating it. This was just walking left to right and going 'oh, wow, that's fucking weird'. A great art style only gets you so far.

StarCitizen - How the fuck is this making money. Why is every email update spam for new ships to buy. When will they deliver that sweet Polo shirt?

No Man's Sky immortalized on page 2 of the official thread. It wore out its welcome after a couple of hours on Day 0.

Quote:Quote Originally Posted by mongycore: Played through dinner, god damned thing is just addicting.

Quote Originally Posted by mongycore: Only fully explored four planets. This random generator thing could do with more variety already. Oh look, brown planet with green spots. Then a brown planet with red spots. This starting off system I got dumped in visually sucks. It's like I have noclip mode on in Gears of War. Meanwhile twitter feed people got started off in Skittles Land with Unicorns and Bob Ross' ejaculate.

Found one alien so far. He gave me guzzoline in exchange for a pat on the head. I feel dirty and used.

I just want to get out of this four planet system and be somewhere else, but now I'm stuck in this rut scrounging for shit, having to dump valuables out of my tiny inventory, and hop from base to base siphoning gas from plants. My inventory is full and it's not allowing me to redeem the pre-order bonuses.

I was really hoping for a useful space station so I could sell stuff and upgrade my core systems. Nope, all the doors are locked except for a one room closet doubling as a starbucks.

It's not exactly wow inducing, not the same way 4k Abzu rocked my world. The way the game streams in planet details is clumsy, kinda the same way people would pop into existence in AssCreed Unity. Just blurry goo that decides it wants to be a mountain range or valley long after you've entered the atmosphere.

I wish this was more Elite Dangerous than Minecraft. Nobody chooses to just fly constantly in one direction in Minecraft taking in the vomited up scenery.


Quote by DT: Fuck, dude. That's one hell of a 180...

Then 35 hours later the hilarious ending was discovered and my hatred of this garbage solidified. "Will it get better? Maybe it'll get better. Here let me scan the same orbital butterflys, pissed off turtles, or imbred t-rexes. Maybe one of these planets will look like the e3 trailers." I could literally hear Vaas asking me if I knew the definition of insanity.

***Insert Title Here*** Remastered - Fucking lazy devs. Make new games already. At least Microsoft is putting effort into properly doing backwards compatible updates so this dumb stupid trend needs to die. Especially when remasters run so much worse on next gen hardware versus their original incarnations.

MOBA's - Nope, still don't care about that bullshit genre or the toxic shits that inhabit that space. Lol, Battleborn.

The Division - I totally spaced and forgot this game came out this year. When I get back from Canada I'll check out the new patch and see if this is better. And if my hatred has cooled I'll check out NMS too, but only if no worthwhile games have released then.

Nvidia - What the hell, you're getting as bad as AMD with these broken driver releases.

EVGA - What the hell, I shouldn't have to worry about my computer catching fire overnight while I download that 145 Gig COWADUTY Preload.

Steam - Splatoon posted that interesting data dump about steam releases and the ios levels of garbage permeating the store. I just want to find good games to play, not sort through pervy anime shit or meme crap, or early access drivel. The built in controls barely filter that shit out on their newly designed storefront. I've started using GOG, Origin, and fucking Uplay as an alternative the past few months. Fucking UPLAY Gaben, fix your shit bro. Steam sales also continue to decline in mediocrity.

Gamergate - Did these fuckers just install a troll in the Whitehouse? What the fucking hell America.

Also fuck Oculus; oh we pride ourselves in diversity and tolerance of others - lololol look I just gave thousands of dollars to homophobic racists for meme magic. Why is it that Sony had a big major release trailer day event and um there was only one PSVR title mentioned, don't let it die like the VITA, not like this.

Alright, I'm done. Time to go play some Overwatch, and so can you.

Doom -- probably the only game in 2016 that I genuinely enjoyed playing.


Being a smarmy, master race-type I didn't actually play too many new releases this year, having a massive backlog of older games to always get to and liking to pay minimum 50% off for a title if I can help it. That said, I did get to a few 2016 releases. My list is a top 8 rather than 10 and looks like this...

1. Rimworld - possibly the greatest emergent storytelling I've found in a game since Crusader Kings 2. I was obsessed with my little colonists for a good hundred and twenty hours there. Magnificent game.

2. Planet Coaster - so happy to see this title live up to the huge expectations I had for it. Basically the new standard in a niche genre

3. Starbound - so much more than just "Terraria in space", this game is charming, deep, with an actual engaging story to give you some basic sense of direction in a very big game universe. If you have a passing interest in these types of games, Starbound is the go-to title imo.

4. Total War Warhammer - though a huge fantasy nerd, I was never the biggest Warhammer kid growing up (couldn't afford all the models and didn't have the patience for them anyway), but I've been a setting-dependent TW geek for over a decade now and this newest iteration may just be my favorite TW title this side of the original Rome. I actually hope the success of this gives Creative Assembly the confidence to seek out more ip's to make TW games out of.

5. Hitman - I'm only up to the third main mission and this is already on the list. It's the true Blood Money 2 - do I even need to say more?

6. Stellaris - I played about twenty hours of this Paradox bad boi, and felt, unsurprisingly, that I'd barely scratched the surface. Looking forward to jumping back into this when the mood strikes (and maybe after a few more expansions get released to flesh things out even more). It's almost CK2 in space - my kinda 4x.

7. Doom - still in early days with this and fps's in general have never been my strong suit as a gamer, but this is just so well put together, combining the best of old and new staples of the genre to make a game that feels at once new but also really old school and familiar for us old buggers. Watching my girlfriend get back into gaming with this title (she played original Doom a lot back in the day but hadn't games for over twenty years until she came into my orbit) has been a real treat as well.

8. XCOM 2 - much like mongy, I'm still waiting for the "click" to happen with this. Right now I respect it more than I love it, but I do keep coming back to it and really want the same sucking addiction I felt with the first reboot. Hasn't come yet, but the games a good'un.


Holy shit have I really only played 3 games released this year? Everything else is just older games or games I've already played. Guess I better rank them then with slobbering blowjobs of prose:

1. Overwatch - Want to know the reason I still haven't played any of the Witcher expansions yet? It's this virtual crack right here. As I've said before, I've never been a big Multiplayer enthusiast, and I still am not but OW has proven to finally be the exception to that rule. I've spent more time on this game this year than literally any other. I can't shut up about it to save my life and even taking breaks here and there I'll always keep coming back. No matter what. Great characters, great design, highly polished and fast-paced gameplay. And has been responsible for just so many moments that made me feel AWESOME. It's no contest. This is the winner.

2. DOOM - Heavy Metal fuelled Demon Genocide has never been better. A throwback in the best possible way while still being very much a modern game. id Games took the lessons learned on Wolfenstein: The New Order and used them to birth the finest continuation of this franchise that we could've hoped for. One of the best soundtracks I've ever heard in a game, simple but effective world building and characterisation of Doom Guy help to ensure that I'll keep coming back to this again and again. Between this and my No. 1 pick I feel like everything I like about the FPS genre is covered. No wonder COD failed so utterly this year. This game is huge so it has huge guts. RIP AND TEAR!

3. X-Com 2 - Unlike you filthy heathens this clicked with me from the get-go. Building wonderfully on what Firaxis did with the first one I loved the feeling of building up this resistance movement and really feeling like my back is against the wall so to speak for the vast majority of the game's run-time. And the Character Pool addition has been the best way to take advantage of my favourite aspect of this series. Creating a collection of kick-ass warriors and having them pop-up over several playthroughs and feeling the pain of their loss all over again. It's X-Com baby, and it's great!

Just for fun, I'm going to fill out the rest of my list with my personal best games of the year, regardless of release:

4. Star Wars: The Old Republic - I'm just gonna say it. This game is better than WOW. First MMO to ever suck me in and I'm loving every minute of it. 

5. Mass Effect Trilogy - Played through the entire series TWICE this year. Like a favourite film or book revisiting this has just been wonderful. One of the finest gaming experiences I have EVER had.

6. Call of Juarez: Gunslinger - This game is fun as shit. Cool campaign and great shooting mechanics.

7. Wasteland 2 - Best post-apocalyptic RPG since Fallout: New Vegas. FUCK Honeybadgers though...

8. Undertale - I can see why this is such a critical darling. Magical experience with fantastic music. 

9. The Witcher 3 - Still one of the absolute best games I have ever played.

10. Dragon Age: Inquisition - I started playing this again recently since my modem got knocked out in a lightning storm. And wouldn't you know it I got sucked right back in and have logged another 40 hours already and finished The Hinterlands like it was nothing. It gets a bad rep but to me this is one damn fine RPG and one of the best games to play a spellcasting class on top of that.


Cripes, I still can't believe 2016 is almost done. What the hell man? Okay, let's do a top seven for 2016 because dammit Mongy has demanded it be so!

7. GAL*GUN: DOUBLE PEACE - Imagine an on the rails shooter where you fend off hundreds of schoolgirls who are madly in love with you (due to being shot with a maximum dose of love stuff by a Cupid-in-training) with what basically amounts to an orgasm gun. It's bright, it's lewd and incredibly funny.

6. PAC-MAN 256 - Probably the best and most addictive game in the series since Championship Edition DX. Simple, effective and never ending until you die formula works very well here spiced up with some fun power ups along the way.

5. BATMAN: THE TELLTALE SERIES - A well written and amazingly cinematic episodic series that takes place early in Batman's career and is one of the best Batman games I've ever played. Telltale has done fantastic work here and I hope the finale sticks the landing.

4. VALKYRIE DRIVE: BHIKKHUNI - From the creator of the bouncy shinobi series SENRAN KAGURE comes VD. One of the most entertaining and beautiful looking games on the Vita to date. Mix in Takaki's love for life and hometown (tits and ass) with a great combat system and a fun story filled with humor and action you get one of the most unique brawlers seen on the handheld.

3. LET IT DIE - From the fertile mind of Suda51 comes a violent post apocalyptic Dark Souls roguelike drenched in surreal grindhouse/punk aethestic and humor that is a blast to play and should be a premium priced title but it is completely free.  One of the surprises of the year for me.

2. SUPER ROBOT WARS OG: THE MOON DWELLERS - The long running turned based cult mecha RPG series finally gets another English localization (via Asia so you have to import) and it is filled to the brim with well animated giant robot mayhem and destruction.  This is the latest in the Original Generation series featuring all the OG characters that have populated the mainline SRW games over the years and if you enjoy anime and mecha then this game is a no brainer.   G COMPATIBLE KAISER is the best Super Robot you've never heard of. DOUBLE SPIRAL KNUUUUUUUUUUCKLE!

1. NO MAN'S SKY - This is the GOTY for me.  A simply massive universe of aliens and galaxies to explore which are rendered beautifully on the PS4. I have barely scratched the surface and I know I'll be playing this for months to come. Being a lone explorer in the vastness of space has never been captured so well and I can't wait see what new things I'll discover next.  I love this game.


I'm calling this a mostly provisional list, as this (shitty fucking) year's probably been my worst for keeping up with new releases for a while.

1) XCOM 2 - For me, the added accessibility and flexibility provided by the re-jigged mechanics and mod support through the Steam Workshop has made XCOM the squad-based sandbox I always wanted to see, rather than an exercise in cleaving my nads upon the Blood-Slick Altar of E'Peen.

2) DOOM - The gold standard for remakes/reboots here on out. A masterclass in gameplay flow that turns what could have been a gimmicky distraction (the glory kills) into a beautifully-judged risk/reward mechanic. METAL AS FUCK.

3) Oxenfree - To be honest, not a lot of indie stuff has resonated with me this year but this one's a real gem. It has a great dialogue system, a fun teen-film-meets X-Files premise and genuine heart added with laudable judgement and restraint. Also, one of the few New Game + modes that's actually worth checking out. Thanks Mongy, shit is awesome!

4) Forza Horizon 3 - Forza is the only Xbox franchise I genuinely missed since defecting to Sony this gen, and it's awesome getting it on PC. FH3 is a thing of beauty, with one of the most enjoyable open worlds I've experienced in a racing game. It even captures the feel of Australia, albeit in a condensed, tourist-ad-y form. It puts my measly i5 in a bloody stranglehold, but it's worth it.

5) Overwatch - In many ways, this has been the year of the shooter for me. I'm not a huge online FPS guy, apart from a huge soft spot for Battlefield (BF1 only just missed this list) but Overwatch bowled me over with just how well-designed and easy to pick up its cast of characters are. The game packs in so many different tactics and playstyles in a way that invited K/D obsessives and support-minded players alike.

6) Titanfall 2 - I've actually played very little of the MP, but this has one of the most consistently fun FPS single player campaigns in years. Bursting with ideas and fun dialogue, and level design/environmental mechanics that at times comes close to Valve at their best.

7) Hitman - Who knew that Squeenix's shady-looking piecemeal reboot would turn out so good? Tons of variety, gorgeous, impeccably designed environments and some of the funniest NPC dialogue of the year. Also, it let you whack Gary Busey.

8) American Truck Simulator - A hugely promising step up from the wonderful ETS2. Even with a smallish map and the odd annoying bug I've still sunk nearly 70 hours into this thing.

9) Civilization 6 - Yeah, it's Civ. However, with improvements from the Civ 5 expansions such as religion and new features like Eureka moments making civ development feel more spontaneous and organic than ever, this feels like the most well-rounded vanilla Civ game in quite some time. The AI can still be a bit shonky, but that generally doesn't diminish the fun. And while Sean Bean is no Leonard Nimoy, he's still Sean fookin' Bean.

10) PES 2017 - I'm not generally a sports game guy, and it may seem a little weird putting one of these incrementally-updated annual franchises on this list, but I can't deny the fun this game has provided me. Just wonderfully smooth and playable, and the Master League mode is a blast. This is my first ISS/PES game since the PS1 days, and it's stunning to see how far it's come.

Runners-up/Games I need to play more of: Battlefield 1, Stellaris, Firewatch, The Witness, Witcher: Blood & Wine, Lego Star Wars: TFA, Total War War Hammer Hammer.

Belated GOTY 2016: World of Warcraft, which I discovered to my great surprise is a pretty fantastic single-player game. One of the most thoroughly-realized and consistently interesting worlds in gaming.


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