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Let's Ruin Remakes!
#1
CHRISTINE (1983) remake...  

Set it in 2018, a world of entitlement and gentrification and fentanyl and hybrids.  
Would a modern teen be psyched about a 1958 Plymouth Fury? 
Or would they be like "Pfffft... Whatever, Grandma Car," and Uber over to Starbucks to check their Instagram?

"That Carmax asshole sold me a demon car...  I'm totally wrecking him on Yelp."

After people keep bringing her back, Christine escapes the lot after dark and starts crusing for random street corner Ubers after midnight, all Looking for Mrs. Goodcar.

If you chose to update the car and kept the same twenty-five year time difference between the car's make/model and the year the film occurs in, the car would be, maybe, a 1993 Acclaim?

   
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#2
I vote for Mercury Topaz.
“I feel a connection with you. A man connection. A mannection.”
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#3
I watched Escape from New York the other day for the first time in years. Still awesome, still deliciously desolate. But I noticed this time how very much of its time the movie is in terms of Snake's portrayal.

Two things:

He passes by a gangbang of a semi-conscious woman without intervening. He doesn't exactly have a smirk on his face, but his expression could generously be described as nonplussed.

Then later in the movie when Brain won't talk he threatens to beat up Maggie, and it seems pretty clear he's not lying.

What I'm saying is, there's a lot of ways Escape from New York could be done today to update it and actually have a successful movie, but I fear Snake would be neutered. This behavior on the character's part isn't problematic, it's completely in line with his nihilism. You sand down those harsh edges and Snake is just another generic hero.
"I'd rather have hope...than nothing at all."
-Illyana Rasputin, X-Men: Omega #1

"But the public, knowing what it wanted, spinning happily, let the comic books survive."
-Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

Twitter: @BartLBishop
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#4
(05-14-2018, 07:36 PM)engineer Wrote: CHRISTINE (1983) remake...  

If you chose to update the car and kept the same twenty-five year time difference between the car's make/model and the year the film occurs in, the car would be, maybe, a 1993 Acclaim?

I have the same fear about New Hollywood and any secret plans for BACK TO THE FUTURE remakes.
Aside from recasting Marty and Doc with Miley Cyrus and Jim Carrey, they'd probably try putting the Flux Capacitor in a PT Cruiser.
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#5
You know full well that the remake car would be a Tesla.
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#6
It'll be a Ford F150 to try to appeal to Flyover Country.
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#7
Re: "You know full well that the remake car would be a Tesla."
I'd feel better about that, actually.
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#8
You know what other movies you can't really make anymore? "The Devil is in that Music!" movies. Late 70s and early 80s "rocksploitation" in which Heavy Metal and Hard Rock Music is either composed or played by satan worshippers, or music that, like, opens portals to Hell or conjures the Devil. Like TRICK OR TREAT or ROCK 'N' ROLL NIGHTMARE, stuff that all fed into the whole "Ozzy is a dark wizard" stuff that was around when we were kids.

I mean, you could make one I suppose, but it would probably have to be set in the 70s or early 80s. 'Cause, really, music isn't as mysterious as it used to be, as the parents now all lived through this stuff and know better. I can't imagine one being based on the work of, say, Daft Punk, Jack White or Beyonce.
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#9
(05-15-2018, 08:32 AM)bartleby_scriven Wrote: I watched Escape from New York the other day for the first time in years.
What I'm saying is, there's a lot of ways Escape from New York could be done today to update it and actually have a successful movie...

That gang of richie debs taking selfies in front of a Manhattan building fire in 2015 is as terrifying as anything we got in either EFNY or THE WARRIORS.
At the time, I wondered if they'd actually started the fire specifically to selfie it.   

They're the Queens of New York!  A-Number One!!

   

   
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#10
Christine: A Decepticon Story
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#11
(05-15-2018, 07:58 PM)engineer Wrote: You know what other movies you can't really make anymore?  "The Devil is in that Music!" movies. 



ETA: NSFW
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