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The Worst of the Decade
#1
Since I see Bailey is going to run a Best of the Decade draft, I don't want to step on his toes with that discussion- but maybe we can revisit the films we found to be either out and out terrible or most disappointing in execution. Let's debate the merits of the maligned and or point our finger at the movies that made us mad.

It's early in the morning, and I've been up all night, but the first example that comes to mind is the POLTERGEIST remake. The first 15 minutes or so, it seems like it has an interesting idea of how to update to the modern age, and it was very well cast, but soon flounders into another forgettable CGI heavy bore. Raimi's Ghost House knocked it out with the EVIL DEAD reimagining a few years before, so it's sad this ends up so toothless. The original was such a fantastic gateway to the genre, it's a shame this one couldn't carry that torch.

Anyway, have at it. I'm curious which films end up the most pooh-poohed.

"Got concrete rhymes, been rappin' for ten years and

Even when I'm braggin', I'm bein' sincere"



"Teenage angst has paid off well/ Now I'm bored and old"


"Drunk as hell, but no throwin' up

Half way home and my pager still blowin' up"


"I'm tired of living all alone
yeah, nobody ever calls me on the phone
But when things start getting bad
I just play my music louder"





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#2
The Predator.

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#3
Suicide Squad is my pick. Given the amount of talent involved, the pure incompetence is overwhelming.
I might have been born yesterday sir, but I stayed up all night!
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#4
Nightingale
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#5
Independence Day: Resurgence
My karmic debt must be huge.

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My blog: An Embarrassment of Rich's
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#6
(11-07-2019, 07:52 AM)call me roy Wrote: Nightingale

Aw, man ... I just ordered that on VOD for later. That bad?



Another how did they blow this sure thing: COWBOYS & ALIENS

"Got concrete rhymes, been rappin' for ten years and

Even when I'm braggin', I'm bein' sincere"



"Teenage angst has paid off well/ Now I'm bored and old"


"Drunk as hell, but no throwin' up

Half way home and my pager still blowin' up"


"I'm tired of living all alone
yeah, nobody ever calls me on the phone
But when things start getting bad
I just play my music louder"





Reply
#7
Warcraft: The Beginning. Credit where it's due for the ambition on display in the title, though.

Also, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. The most biting satire of Batman we're ever likely to see outside of porn.
"Looking at the Trump administration, I'm starting to think I was too hard on the characters in Prometheus."  --  MrBananaGrabber
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#8
Glass
Mangy Wrote:TCM 2 is like sentient cocaine.
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#9
The Predator, Poltergeist and Suicide Squad are all atrocious.

Looking at my Letterboxd account, I've watched a lot of poop:

- Holmes & Watson
- Fifty Shades of Black
- Butter
- Mortdecai (GOOD GOD DO Y'ALL REMEMBER MORTDECAI?!?!)
- Labor Day
- Gotti/The Fanatic (it's a toss-up as to which Travolta flick is the worst)
- The Snowman
- Jonah Hex

Ultimately, the worst thing I've seen is probably The Four, but I hesitate to even call that a movie.

EDIT: Oh wait, MUTE! UGGGGGH fuckin MUTE
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#10
As obvious as it is, DAWN OF JUSTICE takes it for me.  The scale, the absolutely wrong-headed decision at every possible turn, and lost of all the palpable conviction that it is just killing it with every frame add up to a really special mess.
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#11
(11-07-2019, 07:11 AM)Evi Wrote: Suicide Squad is my pick. Given the amount of talent involved, the pure incompetence is overwhelming.

I think it's a better movie than BvS (like, barely) but this would probably be in my top ten as well. I don't know if I 100% agree with the talent part (Ayer's a mixed bag and I'd say the casting was more miss than hit), but it definitely seemed to have more potential to be something interesting. I'll also admit that as someone who grew up loving the original Ostrander run on Suicide Squad, seeing it done so, so poorly in light of Marvel nailing niche property after niche property was especially bitter, though in the movie's defense the Suicide Squad comics haven't been good in over a decade either.

(11-07-2019, 08:47 AM)Reasor Wrote: Warcraft: The Beginning.  Credit where it's due for the ambition on display in the title, though.

Man, maybe I was just having a good night at the movies but I liked this well enough, and I'd say the technical craft on display alone would push this out of contention for this kind of list. Then again, going back to the personal bias thing, affection for the source material + DRASTICALLY lowered expectations based on early WoM probably also helped. Also, Gul'dan shrugging off his robe and turning out to be absolutely yoked remains one of my favorite random WTF movie moments.

(11-07-2019, 09:22 AM)Mangy Wrote: The Predator, Poltergeist and Suicide Squad are all atrocious.

Looking at my Letterboxd account, I've watched a lot of poop:

- Holmes & Watson
- Fifty Shades of Black
- Butter
- Mortdecai (GOOD GOD DO Y'ALL REMEMBER MORTDECAI?!?!)
- Labor Day
- Gotti/The Fanatic (it's a toss-up as to which Travolta flick is the worst)
- The Snowman
- Jonah Hex

Ultimately, the worst thing I've seen is probably The Four, but I hesitate to even call that a movie.

EDIT: Oh wait, MUTE! UGGGGGH fuckin MUTE

Man, I got half-way through Mute on a plane and never finished it. It certainly wasn't good, but at that point it was just sort of forgettable. I may have to go back and see where things go, because this seems to be extremely unpopular.

For my own contribution, I'll throw out Shanghai Fortress. It's a bad Independence Day/Transformers mash-up with the added fun of of C-pop "actors" and Chinese propaganda for a perfect maelstrom of eye-ball melting dullness. My favorite part had to be that the big romantic arc of the movie is the main character leaving the love of his life (who he has had, from my recollection, zero dates or physical interactions with) a voice message confessing his feelings, moments before she and Shanghai get exploderized and dropped in the ocean in a glorious sacrifice for the good of the nation but oh wait they rebuilt the entire city about five months later so *shrug*. You know a movie's bad when the country that props up all of our trash-ass action flicks thinks you've made a trash-ass action flick.
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#12
At least Dawn of Justice has a train wreck fascination about it where you want to keep watching to see if the train just derails or manages to take a small town along with it.

I'd also add F4nt4st1c F0ur to the list.
My karmic debt must be huge.

----------

My blog: An Embarrassment of Rich's
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#13
Independence Day 2 was awful. Zero redeeming features.
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#14
Hah I like BvS a lot, particularly the Ultimate Cut. There isn't even a competition between it and Suicide Squad. And I love Warcraft too!
I might have been born yesterday sir, but I stayed up all night!
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#15
Since Mangy's already mentioned the execrable MUTE, I'm gonna throw Dark Shadows on the pile.
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#16
JACK AND JILL
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#17
(11-07-2019, 10:26 AM)turingmachine75 Wrote: Since Mangy's already mentioned the execrable MUTE, I'm gonna throw Dark Shadows on the pile.

Eva Green saves that one for me.
Mangy Wrote:TCM 2 is like sentient cocaine.
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#18
(11-07-2019, 10:20 AM)Richard Dickson Wrote: At least Dawn of Justice has a train wreck fascination about it where you want to keep watching to see if the train just derails or manages to take a small town along with it.

I'd also add F4nt4st1c F0ur to the list.
Unlike Suicide Squad, I was able to finish Dawn of Justice. Around the time Margot Robbie said "Now that's what I call a killer app!" I turned it off and never went back.

Another piece of trash: HANDSOME: A NETFLIX MYSTERY MOVIE. Maybe too obscure to count, but hot damn I hated that one.

I think THE SNOWMAN deserves some consideration here. Directed by the guy whose first two films, LET THE RIGHT ONE IN and TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY, I consider masterpieces. And yet, not even Thelma Schoonmaker, who's on the shortlist of greatest editors of all time, could give the movie form or coherence. Also, Val Kilmer wears a kerchief over his swollen cancer-y neck and all of his lines are ADR'd in this weird, muttering grumble. It's shockingly incompetent.
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#19
The 'hear no evil see no evil' duo of Netflix's Bird Box and The Silence.
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#20
Dawn of Justice and Suicide Squad are atrocious, yeah, but how has this Zack Snyder hater mob not brought up his most evil movie?

Sucker Punch has it all: a neutered PG-13 rating, terrible action sequences, misogyny at the expense of self-indulgence. Rob Zombie's Halloween is the only other movie in recent memory where the ride home from the theater with a friend was stone cold silent on my end.

But it might not be the worst of them all because Kick-Ass 2 exists. Almost walked out midway through because they played rape for comedy... and I own Death Wish II on Blu-ray. I feel like that one isn't hated enough either.

I'll also suggest Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, which somehow made $1 billion. I haven't watched Burton's subsequent movies since. Depp's stupid dance made a sold-out crowd applaud. Bonham Carter gives one of the worst performances I've ever seen in a tentpole movie. And in the "HOW do you FUCK that UP?" category, Burton manages to make Crispin Glover boring.

Other movies I fucking hate from this decade:

The Predator
Lawless
Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence
Bohemian Rhapsody
Contraband
The Counselor
The Art of Self-Defense
Man of Steel
Legion
Fant4stic
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Star Trek Into Darkness

Luc Besson probably gets his own SECTION out of this, too:

Lucy
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
Taken 3
Lockout
"PREDATOR 2 feels like it was penned by convicts as part of a correctional facility's creative writing program, and that's what I love about it." - Moltisanti
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#21
(11-07-2019, 10:59 AM)Judas Booth Wrote: JACK AND JILL

There's a lot of interesting stuff going on in that.

I think that late 00's-early 10's Sandler run has aged well. I always loved ZOHAN, but CHUCK & LARRY, JACK & JILL play funnier now. To me at least.

He's our Jerry Lewis.

Even if you hate that, or disagree, those films are very much of the artist. I'll take that over say soulless "market-researched, audience-tested, vetted, modified, revetted and remodified " big studio tent pole misfires.

"Got concrete rhymes, been rappin' for ten years and

Even when I'm braggin', I'm bein' sincere"



"Teenage angst has paid off well/ Now I'm bored and old"


"Drunk as hell, but no throwin' up

Half way home and my pager still blowin' up"


"I'm tired of living all alone
yeah, nobody ever calls me on the phone
But when things start getting bad
I just play my music louder"





Reply
#22
I've only seen the Al Pacino Dunkin Donuts commercial, and that made me laugh. Granted, that might be the only thing in the movie that's funny.
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#23
The Twilight films and Bayformers movies released in this decade.
"Nooj's true feelings on any given subject are unknown and unknowable. He is the butterfly flapping its wings in Peking. He is chaos and destruction and you shall never see his true form." - Merriweather

My Steam ID: yizashigreyspear
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#24
Of major, studio-backed films, I can't imagine there exists anything worse than THE SNOWMAN. It's one of the most amateurish, baffling, incompetent "big" movies I've ever seen. The fact that it came from the same man who also directed one of the decade's best films is truly bizarre.
If we can dream it, then we can do it.
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#25
In looking over the lists I have to give some credit to mis-fires like Sucker Punch for at least trying to tell an original story. When you take an adaptation of a solid source material and manage to muck it up, that's a special kind of bad.

My vote is for The Snowman. During the adaptation process they should have realized that a main character with the name Harry Hole sounds ridiculous. They should have realized that Val Kilmer is in no shape to perform and recast. They should have realized that chunks of the script were not filmed and that the movie was not ready to be released to the public. So much went wrong.
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#26
My hot take list:

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping
Vice
Birdman
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (remember liking it when it came out, revisited it a year ago and could not stand it)
Baby Driver (Wright's skill as a director vs his skill as a writer have never been more on display)
and then pick whatever Marvel film you want
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#27
I actively try to avoid bad movies, but here are some films I intensely disliked from this decade:

Silent Hill: Revelation 3D (my most hated film of all time, actually)
Knight of Cups
Mute
Jane Got a Gun
Ghost in the Shell
Rogue One
Velvet Buzzsaw
Movie 43
Get Hard
Non-Stop
The Kids Are All Right
Suicide Squad
The poster formerly known as Inkblades.
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#28
SUICIDE SQUAD was horrible, probably the worst of the big blockbusters that I saw.

BvS isn't great but I don't think it deserves the hate it gets on here and elsewhere.
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#29
(11-07-2019, 12:28 PM)atomtastic Wrote: My hot take list:

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping

I never got around to that one, but it seems to have a MACGRUBER-like cult.

The Lonely Island comedic sensibility is definitely an acquired taste.

Curious, did you dig HOT ROD? I'm a huge fan!

"Got concrete rhymes, been rappin' for ten years and

Even when I'm braggin', I'm bein' sincere"



"Teenage angst has paid off well/ Now I'm bored and old"


"Drunk as hell, but no throwin' up

Half way home and my pager still blowin' up"


"I'm tired of living all alone
yeah, nobody ever calls me on the phone
But when things start getting bad
I just play my music louder"





Reply
#30
(11-07-2019, 11:44 AM)huntertarantino Wrote: Sucker Punch has it all: a neutered PG-13 rating, terrible action sequences, misogyny at the expense of self-indulgence. Rob Zombie's Halloween is the only other movie in recent memory where the ride home from the theater with a friend was stone cold silent on my end.

But it might not be the worst of them all because Kick-Ass 2 exists. Almost walked out midway through because they played rape for comedy... and I own Death Wish II on Blu-ray. I feel like that one isn't hated enough either.

Couple of great picks here. I don't know where I'd rank Sucker Punch vs. BvS (I never re-watched the former for obvious reasons), but as of now both are definitely on the personal top ten. Kick-Ass 2 absolutely belongs on that list as well, I think I actually said this at the time but the worst thing you can say about it is that it's exactly what you'd expect a Mark Millar adaptation to be. What a waste. A terrible movie is always going to be...well, terrible, but there's something extra painful about a horrendous follow-up to a really good flick. Setting aside obvious cash grabs it really is one of the worst sequels ever. 

(11-07-2019, 11:44 AM)huntertarantino Wrote: The Art of Self-Defense

Damn, got this on the backlog. Still curious!

Also, Lockout as one of the worst of the decade? I'd argue that Pearce's performance alone almost makes it decent. Well, watchable. OK, the movie sucks but man did I like that performance a whole lot.

I also think that if this was just a "movies I really don't like" list stuff like STiD/Rogue One/The Last Jedi would definitely make the cut, but I don't think I could genuinely call them the worst of the decade. Well, maybe Star Trek. Again, long ass time, but it didn't produce the near primal "man, fuck that movie" reaction of a Kick-Ass 2.

(11-07-2019, 12:28 PM)atomtastic Wrote: My hot take list:

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping
Vice
Birdman
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (remember liking it when it came out, revisited it a year ago and could not stand it)
Baby Driver (Wright's skill as a director vs his skill as a writer have never been more on display)
and then pick whatever Marvel film you want

Marty?
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#31
Oh shit, forgot about STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS. That gets my vote as worst blockbuster with SUICIDE SQUAD right behind it.

And yeah, KICK-ASS 2 is up there too.
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#32
Yeah, seeing The Art Of Self Defense on a 'worst' list bums me out 'cause I really want to check it out too.

I'll throw A Wrinkle In Time in the fire as well.
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#33
KICK-ASS 2 reminds me KINGSMEN 2 also sucks.

"Got concrete rhymes, been rappin' for ten years and

Even when I'm braggin', I'm bein' sincere"



"Teenage angst has paid off well/ Now I'm bored and old"


"Drunk as hell, but no throwin' up

Half way home and my pager still blowin' up"


"I'm tired of living all alone
yeah, nobody ever calls me on the phone
But when things start getting bad
I just play my music louder"





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#34
KINGSMAN 2 is definitely a step down from the first one. I didn't hate it but I can understand why people despise it.
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#35
(11-07-2019, 11:49 AM)Fat Elvis Wrote:
(11-07-2019, 10:59 AM)Judas Booth Wrote: JACK AND JILL

There's a lot of interesting stuff going on in that.

I think that late 00's-early 10's Sandler run has aged well. I always loved ZOHAN, but CHUCK & LARRY, JACK & JILL play funnier now. To me at least.

He's our Jerry Lewis.

Even if you hate that, or disagree, those films are very much of the artist. I'll take that over say soulless "market-researched, audience-tested, vetted, modified, revetted and remodified " big studio tent pole misfires.

I don't agree with this take - or at least very much did not enjoy Jack and Jill - but I think you can make this argument for Jack and Jill/That's My Boy. Grown Ups 2 is the true offender in my mind, as it never feels like anything more than an excuse for Sandler to hang out with his friends. It isn't aggressively weird in the way that Jack and Jill/That's My Boy are, at the very least.

As for my own list, most of the most obvious contenders have already been mentioned: Suicide Squad, Kick-Ass 2, Bayformers, Alice in Wonderland, Movie 43, The Snowman, Homes and Watson, Independence Day 2, The Predator. Here are some others:

- Aloha
- Yoga Hosers
- The Mummy
- The Emoji Movie
- I, Frankenstein
- After Earth
- The Last Airbender
- Clash of the Titans 2010
- Dark Phoenix
- MiB: International

My "hot take" movies would be Vice and Joker, both of which I found to be entirely vapid, yet completely smug. I found both unrelentingly dull.
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