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ALONE IN THE DARK Discussion
#36
In 2003, Artisan Pictures released (unleashed?) a property of staggering incompetence, the video game based HOUSE OF THE DEAD. Featuring a cast of neophytes eager for some desperate screentime, the wide release was accompanied by choruses of catcalls from those aware that it was a terrible film, the likes of which American screens had rarely seen. And now, to start off 2005, we have HOUSE’s director Uwe Boll’s latest, the videogame inspired ALONE IN THE DARK.

Beginning with the premise that an ancient race was on the verge of discovering some sort of “Shadow world” where demons lie, ALONE sinks fairly quickly into action territory. We are immediately greeted with the sight of down and out brooder Edward Carnby (a burnt-out Christian Slater), an unshaven, down on his luck “paranormal investigator” living in some abandoned warehouse of some kind (one of many of the film’s abandoned warehouses; it must be some sort of a record). It appears that people are after him, as evidenced by an early, random superpowered brawl on what appears to be the empty, lawless streets of modern Toronto.

After said fight with a possessed thug, Carnby heads to see his museum curator honey (Tara Reid, in some sort of stunt casting). What her mentor Professor Hudgens has failed to tell her, however, is that the artifacts she’s cataloguing for him, and the subsequent findings of Carnby, will only assist in opening the “shadow world” and unleashing a series of Lovecraftian ghoulies that will… systematically eat humanity, one bad actor at a time, from what I can surmise.

Some effort is made to connect the mysterious, violent happenings with Carnby’s youth, where the twenty kids at his orphanage were all implanted with slimy bug creatures in order to later assist the creatures in their world domination. This gives the beasts, eager to conquer the world, an army of twenty people. I repeat, twenty whole people.

For anyone who’s seen the cinematic accident that is HOUSE OF THE DEAD, let it be known that ALONE IN THE DARK is a step up. Nevertheless, it’s a massive staircase, and Uwe Boll remains at the bottom, wistfully staring up. His direction consists of drifting crane shots that capture the maximum amount of extras acting as bad guys, standing around, waiting to be shot by Stephen Dorff’s (BLADE, DEUCES WILD) puzzling paranormal SWAT team (and as an aside, why does the five foot nothing Dorff keep getting cast as tough guys?) Most action sequences feature a number of shots or even whole sequences stolen from better movies, including a bullet-time shot that actually seems to be referencing a similar moment in HOUSE OF THE DEAD. The whole thing’s made worse by a soundtrack more suitable to an aerobics class.

Still, for all Boll’s faults, the film’s weakest point is it’s screenplay. Penned by three monkeys named Elan Mastai, Michael Roesch and Peter Scheer, it’s packed with these bon mots: When asked to retrieve a deadly file, one character responds, “They’ll kill me if they find out… but let me check.” After the characters descend into a darkened cave complete with booby traps, ancient scrawls written on the wall and secret chambers, one character sees a corner and exclaims, “I don’t think we’re supposed to be here.” A few moments later, another responds, “Something tells me we’re not the first ones down here.”

At least there’s something bittersweet and telling about the mentality of a terrible filmmaker when eagle-eyed audience members spot the entire, untalented cast of HOUSE OF THE DEAD as soldiers in this film. There’s also something to be said about a film that spends a good ten minutes of screen time occasionally cutting over to a soldier ineptly working on a lights system only to die an unearned death as the lights are apparently destroyed. ALONE IN THE DARK is an old fashioned godawful mistake of a film, a horribly stupid mess in which the top secret heroes’ mission is to shoot everything and the bad guys’ plan is to kill everything, where logic, reasoning and intelligence go out the window. It closes with a coda familiar to anyone who’s seen the likeminded but far superior RESIDENT EVIL, its own ending a ripoff of DAY OF THE DEAD and Lucio Fulci’s THE BEYOND. What this really signifies is that Uwe Boll is a terrible filmmaker with a serious dearth of ideas. However, it’s up to audiences to realize that if they support this crap, the ending will only signify sequel potential. Please, make sure that anyone that spends their $10 to see this will be ALONE IN THE THEATER.
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#37
Damn fab you really outdid yourself. Unsurprisingly sounds like you were very bored by this film. Bet it was difficult going past three paragraphs there.

I'm genuinely curious how a Uwe Boll film can get theatrical distribution?
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#38
I gotta say that poster looks like a Xenomorph shoved its head up someones ass.
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#39
"
I'm genuinely curious how a Uwe Boll film can get theatrical distribution?"
Because, incredible as it may seem,"House Of The Dead" actually turned a profit in it's theatrical release.

I think that a Boll film can get theatrical release is a monument to the stupidty of the human race, but as long as his shit fists turn a profit, he will get theatrical distribution.
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#40
Thats amazing. Dark days to be a quality genre film lover I suppose.
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#41
Quote:

Originally Posted by fabfunk

“paranormal investigator”

*thinks of Invader ZIM*
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#42
Well, from the reviews over at rotten.tomatoes.com , Alone is living down to expectations....
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#43
Highlights of new IGN interview with Boll...........

Quote:

IGN FILMFORCE: Hey Uwe.

UWE BOLL: I'm driving to Wilshire Boulevard to go to an agency. I wanted to go to the press screening, but Lions Gate said, 'Press don't want to talk to the director.' It was funny. I've never heard this before. They said the director always tries to sell [and] press don't want this… So I accepted it.

IGNFF: So you were planning to come to the screening last night?

BOLL: (Laughs) I was not allowed to come.

He would've never made it out of that theatre if he went.

Quote:

Here's the thing, I always try to, [if you] say it negative, I steal from other movies

Quote:

BOLL: I think the movie's fast-moving from the beginning to the end, which is different from a lot of movies today. A lot of movies are too long. [Sometimes] boring. Our movie's not boring, it's entertaining. The people get the background. That's the reason that we did that beginning crawl, to be honest. After the test screening we did, we did two flashbacks in the beginning where we see the professor, we did a few voice-overs, we did the beginning crawl, we changed a little the editing of the action scenes. It improved in a way that I think it's not boring and I think it improved [how the people understand it] with that back-story. It's proven that a lot of people in the theater, they have problems in a lot of cases, if the movie has two plots or something, if a movie gets a little complicated, then it's too much for the audience.

Quote:

IGNFF: What reactions are you hearing to the film and what are your thoughts on this weekend's release? Are you nervous, excited? Are you going to check out crowd reactions?

BOLL: Yes, I'm going tomorrow to the theater. (Laughs) Don't tell it to the people, they will chase me and track me down and kill me. (Laughs) If they know that I'm in LA going to different screenings, they will try to get a hold of me. (Laughs)



Hurt your eyes by reading it here
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#44
Eight of 10. Must be the only review of it's kind. In the whole net. Hm.
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#45
Quote:

Originally Posted by Uwe Boll

It's really brutal and there is stuff in it, we have a really, really hot sex scene with Lokken where she is completely naked.

Okay, he's a perv director, and he's having Loken get fucked on screen. I'm paying for Bloodrayne.
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#46
Yes, I paid $10 to see this on the big screen. Sure there were parts in the middle that dragged on a bit, but overall I was very pleased. Uwe Boll has outdone himself with this one for sure...FUNNIEST MOVIE EVER. First of all, it is one of the most incomprehensible movies I have ever seen, the opening (never-ending) text crawl had me baffled before the movie started. Also, it is indeed a "rollercoaster ride" of an experience...during the big action sequence in the museum, after about the 37 billionth cut I had that same queasy feeling I always get when I ride the Top Gun rollercoaster at Canada's Wonderland after eating, and standing in the sun in line for 2 hours...and being hit repeatedly in the stomach.

Seriously though, this movie CAN be enjoyed (in a MST3000, or Foywonder kind of way) if you have some friends along...and at least one of them is high. The only problem was the couple in front of us who did not enjoy our comments as much as we did. I feel bad, as I hate it when people talk (or "gab" if you will) while I'm enjoying some fine cinema...but C'MON! This was utter crap...why are you giving me dirty looks?? Are you enjoying this?? I'm sorry that your girlfriend is probably going to break up with you because you made her come see this, but it's not MY fault, I'm just trying to be productive here! Sorry!
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#47
Day 1: $845,000 at #13!

Boll states in that interview they estimated $8 million............HA.
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#48
Quote:

BOLL: Yes, I'm going tomorrow to the theater. (Laughs) Don't tell it to the people, they will chase me and track me down and kill me. (Laughs) If they know that I'm in LA going to different screenings, they will try to get a hold of me. (Laughs)

Judging by the weekend estimates he probably ended up sitting there alone in the dark!

(RIMSHOT)

Seriously though, I will say this about Boll. After seeing this movie I no longer think he should be compared to Ed Wood. That's is not an accurate analogy. You want to know what Boll is? Uwe Boll is the MTV version of Bruno Mattei.
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#49
Caught this on a 3:15 matinee this afternoon. There are two theaters in our town: A decent, 5 year old, 10-screen stadium seating theater (where I work in projection), and a 25 year old 3-screen shit-beater. AITD was, appropriately, playing at the old dump. There were 6 people in the auditorium on a rainy weekend afternoon, including my brother and I.

You know, it's probably because House of the Dead sucked so bad, and because the folks here and elsewhere have hammered it so bad, and because I knew the box office situation ($2.5 mil for the weekend) going in, therefore dropping my expectations through the floor, but I found it mildly enjoyable. Not as a good movie, but as a so-bad-it's-good, cheesy way. It WAS better than HOTD, which is not hard to be, but still. Oh, it was a bad, cheesy sci-fi B-movie. But because of my expectations it wasn't eye-raping bad.

Oh, and Tara Reid has an ironing board flat ass. Has this always been the case? This, and the fact that she kept her bra on during the sex scene, were both disapointing. She is a God-awful actress, the least she could do is show some (recently enhanced) tits.

If she had then perhaps the film could have made $2.6 million on the weekend.
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#50
I am sure you are going to hear a lot of carny style hype about Loker and her Sex Scenes in "Bloodrayne", but with reality that a "R" is the most they will go for, don't expect much real lesbo action in j"BloodRayne".
And I am not joking in that they will try to sell the sex angle of "Bloodrayne". its' the only chance they have of not having another Boll Box Office disaster on their hands.
And if after what has happened with "alone,", Lion's Gate does acquire "Bloodrayne", some people need to be fired and quick...
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#51
Quote:

Originally Posted by dudalb

I am sure you are going to hear a lot of carny style hype about Loker and her Sex Scenes in "Bloodrayne", but with reality that a "R" is the most they will go for, don't expect much real lesbo action in j"BloodRayne".
And I am not joking in that they will try to sell the sex angle of "Bloodrayne". its' the only chance they have of not having another Boll Box Office disaster on their hands.
And if after what has happened with "alone,", Lion's Gate does acquire "Bloodrayne", some people need to be fired and quick...

Well, there was a "BloodRayne" trailer attached to the print of the "Alone..." I saw, so it looks like it's already in the can, so to speak. And I should tell you, it looks more over the top than HOTD and AITD put together.
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#52
A trailer in no way indicates that a film is finished. Or even begun.
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#53
Uwe Boll says that Lions Gate wants to release Bloodrayne....

After seeing the below article, I think that it is true.

http://www.variety.com/index.asp?lay...&...egoryid=13

Hard to overlook was the lack of aud interest in the weekend's only other wide release, R-rated frightener "Alone in the Dark." Distribbed by Lions Gate, it scared up only $2.5 million from its 2,124 first runs. Lions Gate co-prexy Tom Ortenberg said distrib is just collecting a fee on the pic, after helmer Uwe Boll secured outside financing to cover both production and distribution costs.
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#54
Quote:

Originally Posted by devincf

A trailer in no way indicates that a film is finished. Or even begun.

Well, it has at least "begun". Because this wasn't a 30-second text only teaser, it was a full 1:30-2:00 minute trailer, with moderately extensive footage shown. I'm not sure if the trailer Nick has linked on the front page is to the same version shown with AITD, but I can only imagine it is.

EDIT: Checked, and yes it is the same trailer. And to clarify, I have NO idea whether or not Lion's Gate is going to distribute this. Just stating that the trailer was attached to a Boll-directed, Lion's Gate distributed film. Though being based on a popular (more so than AITD) video game and starring Loken, Kingsley, Madsen, and Rodriguez, I would expect if Lion's Gate doesn't pick it up, someone will.
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#55
Can anyone help me try to understand this movie?

Why was the Doctor injecting monster blood?

What the heck was the evil plan? They had an army of 19 zombie people and the monster dogs.......uh,

How did Stephen Doriff stop the onslaught of monster dogs with a bomb that small?

How did they get back to the city from the orphanage?

What the fuck happened at the end?

Wow, this was a flat out AWESOME bad movie. Hilarious from the opening crawl to the seizure inducing battle in Christian Slaters home/abandoned warehouse to the end that made NO sense. And cameos from the cast of House of the Dead!

I want the DVD to be loaded with extras especially a Uwe Boll commentary!
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#56
Turned on the news yesterday morning and their segment on film strayed towards Alone in the Dark, they called the casting director and Uwe Boll idiots on their show.

Best newsteam ever.

One certainly has to wonder what Boll will say in defense of the movie, or if he'll just be a chickenshit and do what he did when HotD failed and act like a baby on the films website...............

Someone [FOY] has to give me a scene by scene rundown of AitD one of these days.
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#57
"One certainly has to wonder what Boll will say in defense of the movie, or if he'll just be a chickenshit and do what he did when HotD failed and act like a baby on the films website...............
I have noticied that the usually talkative Dr. Boll has been strangely silent since ALID opened...and pretty much closed.
I have to admit that Boll's crybaby acts on his website are considerably more amusing than any of his films....
and I have a feeling we will be getting another soon....
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#58
"When the giant, intelligent bees of the future sift through the ashes of our civilization, they will find Alone in the Dark, and they will understand."

- Scott Brown, ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY
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#59
Quote:

Originally Posted by Werewolf Girl is the Universe

"When the giant, intelligent bees of the future sift through the ashes of our civilization, they will find Alone in the Dark, and they will understand."

- Scott Brown, ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY

That quote is too good for a movie that isn't remarkably bad enough as Alone in the Dark.
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