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The Wheels on the Bus Discussion
By Ben Odgren
Thank god for semi-colons. I love those little bastards.

I dug the story. Only hang up for me was the protagonist's admission of possible mistake at the end. It defused the paranoia unexpectedly, since redemption clearly wasn't a goal.

Good luck to the author on his screenplay.

[edit for grammar]
Thanks for the comments! Glad you liked it.
Do you mind my asking why you chose to have "Johnny Fog" question the justification of his action at the end?
I don't mind at all. I had him question his actions at the end, because I don't think he knows what is real anymore. The way I see it there is nobody after him, and I wanted a last clue at the end for the reader without Johnny Fog actually coming out and saying that he just killed somebody for no reason. It's a fleeting idea that he has before he goes to visit the kid at the gas station.
I actually appreciated the acknowledgement.

He recognizes that he might be batshit insane but he feels he has to press on; in his reality he can't afford to be wrong.
It made it a bit more real to me. Certifiables do question their (mis)perceptions, and most make the judgement call to seek help based on perceived risk.
Roc- Exactly. And thanks for reading.
I couldn't stop thinking of Dean Koontz' By The Light Of The Moon while reading this. With the old cars chasing around in the desert and the potted flower named Jill or something like that . . .

But the ending is what really made the story. Sometimes people with warped senses of reality walking around in my reality are what scare me the most. Good luck on future ones.

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