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The most ridiculous moment of FAMILY MATTERS
He also fucked Sally Field!
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Very lame true story:

Back in fall of '05, I was in film school in Maryland just outside of Baltimore. It was announced that during the month of October our school would be visited by a number of washed-up has-beens posing as "celebrity speakers," among whom were several Real World vets, Dennis "Mr. Belding" Haskins, and Jaleel White.

So anyway, one of the girls in one of my classes ("Women and Gender in Film," no less) reads about Jaleel White's upcoming appearance in the school paper and literally flips her shit right in the middle of class. She starts yakking on and on about how she's going to rush the stage and kiss him, for all to see.

So there I am, trying to fathom why am admitedly smoking piece of ass would want to swap spit with Urkel ("Because he's hot, that's why!"Wink, when I realized that this would make an interesting news byte for the campus TV station, which might help me get that internship with the local news I was eyeing. So I asked the girl if she'd be interested in participating in a story which I would direct, in which she'd reveal (in true "WTF?" fashion) her unhealthy obsession with Urkel, which would culminate with an onscreen make-out moment before a live audience (or at least an attempt).

Look, it was a slow creative week for me, okay?

Anyway: just to cover my ass, I called White's manager. I explained that I was a film student looking to do a piece about a young lady who was in love with Urkel, and asked for access to Mr. White prior to the Q&A for the purposes of rounding out the piece. The manager was aghast. "Mr. White will NOT be exploited," he told me. "The idea that you would expect him to kiss a woman he has never met is offensive, not only to Mr. White as a professional, but also as an upstanding man of Christian values. Furthermore, he's entirely too busy to accomodate such a juvenile endeavor, blah blah blah." I politely explained that whether or not Urkel kissed the broad was up to HIM (and in some ways, having a hot chick scorned by Urkel might make for a better piece), and that I was in no way trying to exploit anyone -- I was simply interested in doing a piece. It wasn't that important to me: just say yes or no, and either way, my life will go on as it did before this conversation.

The manager hung up on me, and as I understand it, called the university and threatened to pull the appearance. I couldn't believe it: who the fuck is Jaleel White, anyway...? The smug, self-important attitude coming from his camp suggested that they thought his "campus tour" was of greater relavancy than it was.

Anyway, I ended up not attending, but from what I heard, he seemed visibly uncomfortable when females asked questions, and tended to call on men only when he could help it, and spent the bulk of the time telling a woe-is-me-story about how the cast of "Family Matters" hated him.

The End.
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That's a cool story and all but did you show up for the class that Mr. Belding spoke at? Bet he'd mouth-kiss some random student.
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Missed the Belding appearance, but I stopped by the Real World one, only because I have never seen more ass on display. Seriously, these girls were literally whoring themselves to get Landon and Wahtshisfuckingname's attention.
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I was just going to ask, which real world vets were they?

You can't drop a massive tease like that and not give us a payoff! Was it CT? Danny? Coral!? Come on man!
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Best thread ever. Has me gasping with laughter. I was a little young for "Family Manners" (as I thought it was called back then, before I could read the opening titles, along with "Paul House"Wink, but I do have a few garbled memories, among them Steve and Carl FIGHTING PIRATES. I assumed this had been a dream sequence or something, but... well, evidently, Family Matters was always like this.

THERE'S ROOM FOR YOU
ROOM FOR ME
FOR GENTLE HEARTS
AND OPPORTUNITY

It's a shame I don't remember any more Family Matters scenes. Can we discuss Full House instead so I can join in?

My favourite was when they went to see Uncle Joey do standup comedy, and they just had grainy concert footage of the real Dave Coulier doing standup, complete with insert shots of the Tanner family laughing.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PREDICTABILITY?
THE MILKMAN
THE PAPERBOY
EVEN TV?????????
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Fuck you, Paul. Fuck you right in the ear canal for getting those damn songs stuck in my head.
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Full House has always been sub-sub-sub-par since it's inception and it never achieved any great levels of ridiculousness in it's 9 or so year on tv. So fuck it.

BUT, I will say that I LOVE the fact that the very first line of it's theme song laments the loss of predictability. So fitting.
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Seriously, has anyone watched the Judy Winslow porn? She really did go on to become a porn star under the name "Crave". I've seen one of her videos. Not bad.
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I'm pretty sure all those theme songs were done by the same guy. It sounds like the same voice, and the lyrics for them all are uniformly ingenious.

ONLY TIME WILL TELL-A
IF ALL THESE DREAMS
FIT UNDER ONE UMBRELLA

- Step By Step

My favourite Step By Step moment:

The wacky Cody (KICKBOXER 3's very own Sasha Mitchell) teaches the nerd son (BEETHOVEN's very own Christopher Castile) that kickboxing is not the way to solve all your problems, and that violence solves nothing. Then the nerd son's bullying kickboxing coach taunts and goads Cody for being a wimp. Cody then violently kickboxes the bullying coach. IN THE VERY SAME SCENE WHERE HE TOLD THE NERD NOT TO KICKBOX.
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Strangely enough, that's the only scene I can remember from Step By Step besides my insatiable adolescent lust for the older daughter.
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The only things of Step by Step I remember were: There was a beauty parlor in the garage. Sasha Mitchell got booted off for beating his wife and the guy who played the older smartasa brother was once shot in both arms during a drive by in real life.
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3, 2, 1
1, 2, 3
what the heck is bothering me
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Another Step by Step moment that I caught on TV while at work: The parents and a boyfriend come to rescue the daughter from a bar full with gang members that she apparently snuck into. An epic fight ensues between the heroes and the vigilantes. I swear it looked like something out of ROAD HOUSE.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Fazer

3, 2, 1
1, 2, 3
what the heck is bothering me

This episode actually played about 3 days ago.
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Personally, I feel that a spinoff of Perfect Strangers should have gotten the ax at pitch stage, even before actors were selected and sets built, etc. It was, even in comparison to dreck like Full House, a mediocre sitcom that became an annoying juggernaut because of the addition of Urkel. 9 seasons of cartoonish BS that even the people responsible for the later seasons of Happy Days could look down on with smug expressions because even they never sank to that level.

This is my way of saying I hate Jaleel White, who at one point was getting what, 100,000? 200,000 an episode for what was essentially a brief, one-episode role that went on too long. Many other bad sitcoms have had one-off annoying nerd characters who somehow never managed to catch the imagination of Joe Q. Public.

I avoided Family Matters of course but there was, for awhile, no escaping the Urkelmania that gripped the country. I'm sure some of you here remember those dark days...when people were in thrall to Urkel. The Urkel impression was the Austin Powers impression of the early to mid 90s, after all. Embraced by would-be class clowns, annoying co-workers and even open-mic night dorks around the nation.

I recall flipping around the TV at the time and coming across Jaleel White on some of the talk shows and boy howdy he was just so damn lame. Almost every other time I saw that doof outside of his Urkel role, he was trying very, very hard to come across as Mr. Cool, Mr. Mack Daddy and it was managed to be both laughable and infuriating at the same time.

And so my hatred of Jaleel White has almost overcome me, a darkness that infests me down to the marrow. Life's pleasures have been dulled for me. There is only rage...and pain.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Fazer

I was just going to ask, which real world vets were they?

You can't drop a massive tease like that and not give us a payoff! Was it CT? Danny? Coral!? Come on man!

They were from the Philly season: Landon and Guy Who Looked Just Like Landon.

Landon tried to brush off the "knife incident" as clever editing, and every hot chick in the auditorium was nodding in doe-eyed sympathy. That was when I realized that mankind was doomed and took my leave.
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yea...fucking hot chicks.

Man Landon must have urkel'd several of those chicks that night.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Owen

This episode actually played about 3 days ago.

That was actually his catchphrase.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Fazer

yea...fucking hot chicks.

Man Landon must have urkel'd several of those chicks that night.

The school paper featured an article by a disgusted female columnist in which she bemoaned the young ladies who piled into the Real World hotel rooms that night.

So yeah, Landon not only Urkel'd 'em, he also Uncle Jesse'd 'em, too.

(And speaking of FULL HOUSE: I work at XM Radio and passed Bob Saget in the hall today. I found it timely, given the fact that I was laughing my way through this thread mere moments before.)
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Patrick Ripoll

That was actually his catchphrase.

I meant the episode where he finds the pamphlet with that in it.
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Yeah, that whole 3,2,1, thing was just in that episode and stopped doing it after getting a heart attack due to Urkel destroying the garage.
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yea that was an obscure throwaway reference that I didn't think most of you guys would recognize. I dont know if I should be impressed, or very sad for all of us.
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I know for myself, this just further proves I'm a repository for this sort of useless stuff. Makes great conversation pieces though.
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Also a good way to calm down when your neighbor destroys your living room with his jet-pack.
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Yeah cuz I deal with shit like that all the time. Or when I've got to contend with two dinner parties in a room that's only able to support one. Comedy I tells ya COMEDY!
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Quote:

Originally Posted by EdHocken

Yeah cuz I deal with shit like that all the time. Or when I've got to contend with two dinner parties in a room that's only able to support one. Comedy I tells ya COMEDY!

wasnt that a saved by the bell (summer job at the beach country club era) episode?

Yea take that bitches!
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Actually it was also in a Perfect Strangers episode where Balki and Larry had to deal with three dinner parties even though they had enough food for one. BOOYAH!
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Was that when Balki and Larry went into the pastry business to sell Bibibobkas? Even if it wasn't it gives us an excuse to enjoy more "Perfect" comedy:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=jyRz3PtIUrA

Check this out. The Russian version of "Perfect Strangers":

http://youtube.com/watch?v=YHKQm2WdpV0
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i'm fully expecting an extended conversation with Mr. James Lipton and Mr. Bronson Pinchot over the brilliant alliteration used in that scene.

"And now Mr. Pinchot, can we talk to 'Balki'?"
(crowd cheers and does dance of joy)

and just because I know you guys are thinking about it...here it is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfPg5LjGYz8
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One of my brothers and I tried to perfect (get it? haha) the "Dance of Joy." It just led to a lot of painful headbutts.
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Just watched Dreamgirls the other night, and did a double take when I saw that Jaleel White had a small role as "Talent Booker".

Then I kicked myself in the ass for holding off on watching it. Great movie.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Moltisanti

One of my brothers and I tried to perfect (get it? haha) the "Dance of Joy." It just led to a lot of painful headbutts.

I don't even want to try and find out who was the one who was supposed to jump into the other's arms.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by EdHocken

I don't even want to try and find out who was the one who was supposed to jump into the other's arms.

they're brothers. there is nothing wrong with jumping into your brothers arms is there?
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I don't think so. Besides, I had my erection to break my fall.
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